Shattered Dreams

Just a warning this is a LONG post .. yep it's one of THOSE posts where I have a bit of a whine about caring for a kid with Aspergers who sometimes drives me nutz!! (o_O) I know most of my blog posts show all the 'good' stuff that goes on in our Twisted House with posts of music, pets, knitting & crochet. They are my escape from reality but sometimes reality shows up and I need to share it (+_0) Today is one of those days.

this tag was made for me many years ago (~_~)

Yesterday afternoon Brodie & I travelled to Traralgon for an exit meeting at the GETT Centre. Basically it was to discuss what will Brodie do when (or if - a mother can dream can't she?) he leaves TAFE and ventures into the real world. Chris, a counsellor/teacher and Natasha, the course co-ordinator were there.

Brodz was defensive & angry right from the start. He told Natasha that he hated her as soon as the meeting started. All I could think was I've taught him better than that. Her reply was that it's not her job to make him like her she's there to make sure he hears the truth. That's what Brodie doesn't like. He hates hearing the truth about things. He gets angry, loud and usually swears a lot when he hears it if he disagrees with it or just plain doesn't want to hear it. He will also tell whomever it is to shut up and stop talking. He's heard enough. At that point he gets even LOUDER (and swears even more especially when he is at home) to try and get his point across.

Brodie was adamant that he wanted to leave TAFE. He hates being there. He said he never wanted to go there in the first place. He only went because Miss G (the special ed teacher from high school) and I wanted him to go there. He's forgotten that Richard Eisenmajer, the psychologist who specialises in Aspergers we saw a few years back, suggested he stay in TAFE until he's at least 24-25. He would be mature enough by then to venture out into the real world.

When Brodie was asked what he wanted to do if he left TAFE he replied that he would look for a job. I just about rolled my eyes and I shook my head. I had to say something. He got angry and said that he looked for a job last week! Big whoop. Going to visit where you did work placement and asking for a job then sitting back socialising is now job hunting!

When Brodie was asked what skills do you have? He had no idea. So I put it plainly. What qualifications do you have? He rattled off that he has done his RSA (Responsible Serving of Alcohol certificate), Food Handling Certificate and a Certificate II in Hospitality. They are all well and good but they are only steeping stones towards getting an apprenticeship. Employers like more qualifications these days (its just what they do these days with all these bits of paper to show how good prospective employees are). Of course you can see where this is heading can't you? Brodie got more and more defensive and even LOUDER. I had to tell him to stop raising his voice. That worked for a little while but not for long.

Brodz had been offered a position in a music course at the GETT Centre. He was given a placement without the need to audition because the teacher running it knows how good a guitarist Brodie is. How they had wondered if that was fair to the other kids if he was just 'given' a spot where they had to earn theirs. He was given it as long as he could prove that he was reliable and committed to going to ALL the sessions. Brodz only heard the words reliable and realised that he isn't always the most reliable person. He assumed that meant he was not welcomed in the course and he came home and told me that. He was such an angry kid that day. Apparently the letter that he received from the TAFE confirming his placement was either not read by him or just plain misunderstood or even completely ignored because it was from "THEM". 

Chris & Natasha saw what Brodie was like with me. How badly he spoke to me. Natasha had thought that he only spoke that way at the GETT Centre but she soon realised that was how he must speak at home too. She told Brodie that he needs to realise how much 'stuff' (I can't remember her exact words) I put up with and that he needs to learn to appreciate me more.Oh boy do I go along with that statement.

No matter what we spoke about we always ended up coming back to Brodie's original statement. He HATES it there and NO longer wants to be part of the Transition programme. Of course by then I felt like I had been banging my head against a wall for the past hour. I was teary and upset. I no longer knew what to say. I hated feeling like that. In the end Natasha said there's no point him coming back when he feels like this. That Brodie should think about what he wants to do next and let them know so that they/we can sign the appropriate forms to let him go from this course. She also said that she will get in contact with his Futures For Young Adults worker, Gwen, and let her know what's happened.

The dream I had of Brodie staying at TAFE and earning another certificate are shattered (for now). I guess I have to find a new dream for him. Just as long as he is doing something to better himself. He just can't sit at home on facebook all the time. I want him out there learning how to cope with things for when he moves out into the 'real' world. We'll just have to see what Gwen has up her sleeve and go from there.

More Meetings

Last week I received a letter from Angus' school requesting I come in for a meeting in regards to his report for last semester. I thought it was odd that a meeting was required for subjects that he no longer does and probably wont be doing them again. Some subjects were only for the first half of the year. Any way I made a time to see them to find out what they wanted to say.

Yesterday evening Angus & I went back to his school to meet up with one of the Year 9 coordinators. It turned out that it was Angus' English teacher we were seeing. Of course Angus wanted to be anywhere else but at school. He knew exactly what his teacher was going to day.

Angus has a very hard time doing his work. Well not really doing his work its more like completing his work. He just never finishes pieces and then decides that since it isn't finished he isn't able to hand it in. How wrong is he! Angus now knows that regardless of whether it is completed or not he is to hand it in on the due date or beforehand if it is completed. It is better to be marked on what you have done rather than getting a BIG FAT 0 as your grade.

Homework is also something that Angus has problems with. He wont do it. No matter how much I nag he is often caught playing on facebook rather than completing his assignments. If it isn't FB he is watching movies or playing games. Either way he isn't working. Education Department policy recommends that Year 9 students work an hour a night. We have currently compromised. If Angus works a completely 'solid' 30 minute session then its okay to stop but that is minimum he can work longer if he wants to.

We (the teacher and I ) reminded Angus that it is okay to ask for help if he is having a problem. That he can always ask us at home and if we can't help it he can always ask the teachers. He knew this of course but he said he gets embarrassed. He is afraid that some of the questions he wants to ask might be silly. I told him there is no such thing as a silly question. Any question is a good one. He is worried about asking in front of the other kids in his classes then he can ask the teacher privately. In fact I am sure that his teachers wouldn't even mind if he sent them an email and asked that way. He didn't like that idea but I thought it was a good one. What ever he decides it doesn't matter as long as he asks.

I am crossing my fingers that this new strategy helps Angus improve his grades. Otherwise the school may place him in other classes. Ones he may come to realise are for the kids who don't try. It's not like Angus isn't an intelligent kid. He is. He knows the stuff he just doesn't always apply himself.

It must be the month for meetings at his school. Tomorrow night is an information night in regards to subject selection for next year. My baby will be in Year 10 *sob* he's not allowed to grow up. Then there will be another meeting next week or the following week (depending on time) so that we can have a chat and submit the preferences for the subjects Angus would like to do next year. There are some fantastic units on offer that Angus can choose from.

Brodie's Future.

I had a meeting up at Brodie's high school this morning. There were three teachers (Assistant Principal, Yr 12 coordinator and the special ed teacher) plus Brodie and myself. I was thinking that Brodie probably thought that he was being ganged up on considering how many people were there.

The meeting was to discuss what we are going to do to help Brodie either complete Yr 12 or to see if he was going to quit school. I was hoping that we could convince him to stay and finish. Last year Brodie mentioned how he wanted to be the first grandchild to complete high school on his Dad's side of the family. Now that I think of it none of the other kids (apart from myself) in my family finished high school either. Out of Dad's kids that is not his step-children (the oldest 4 are from Mums first marriage). I don't know if they all finished or not.

I could see that Brodie was very peeved that he was even at the meeting and he was getting louder & louder trying to get HIS point accross. Thankfully by the end of it all he was definitely in a better place and didn't feel so bad about the outcome.

Here's what we discussed. Basically there are three options for Brodie and his schooling.

1. He finishes school as is and attends every day that he is meant to be there. Co-operating with the teachers and students without the antics that have happened recently which ended up with his being suspended twice.
2. Brodie works off campus & completes Yr 12 that way. Which means he will be working from home (just like he did in Yr 7 & 8 when he was suspended a lot). The teachers will provide the work for him and he completes it. He may be required from time to time to go into school for some lessons for 1 - 2 a week. That when he is on campus he can request help from the teachers providing the work or from the aide who will be scheduled to work with him while he is there. He also has the option to phone or email the school and get help from the teachers that way. There will also be times when Brodie needs to go into the school for assessments. This will be where he presents his work in front of a small group of people so that he can be graded that way. He is to also keep going to TAFE to finish his Hospitality course.
   Completing school this way will still enable him to access the help that the school can provide. Linking us up with the Futures Program which helps the school and an agency help Brodie find work once school is over. 
3. Find an alternative pathway. That means he leaves now and finds his own way to deal with being out in the 'real' world.

Once the Assistant Principal left the meeting we were able to have a really good talk with Brodie about option 2.  To pass VCE/VCAL Brodie needs to acquire points. Points in different areas such as literacy, numeracy, personal development, work placement & other subjects. I'm not exactly sure what areas need to be completed but the school will work all of that out.

Right now it looks like Brodie is well on the way to successfully completing Yr 12. All we need to do is get him through the next 9-10 weeks (not including the September holidays).

For now Brodie needs to have a really good think about what we discussed at the meeting. Tomorrow we will phone the school and let them know what Brodie's final decision is. So far option 2 is looking really promising.

It's PSG Time

Yesterday was PSG (Peer Support Group) time again. There were a few things to go over this time around. Miss G & two of Brodie's aides were there.

Brodie has been getting a bit behind with his TAFE work as well as his Math stuff. Since I'm not that crash hot with Math the school & I thought it was best if he did his Math homework during his study periods at school. That way he would have someone on hand if he did need help.

The hospitality stuff from TAFE was a different story. That one I do feel comfortable with & I am able to help him out at home. His TAFE work sounds really interesting! There's a few assignments that need doing although there is a little bit of time up our sleeves before they need to be handed in. The mocktail assignment sounds like fun & should be delicious where Brodie needs to create & make a drink. He's designing a chocolate mocktail which he has called Death By Chocolate. He also has a coffee assignment. I'm not too sure what that one involves yet. I'll check his worksheets later.

We spoke about the behaviour issues the school has. Pretty much the same ones we have at home. Although I have a feeling that Brodie might be a tad better behaved at home but not all the time. I'm thinking we need to do some more work on what behaviour is appropriate in mixed company. He gets awfully carried away sometimes and forgets that there are females present. Perhaps some role-playing might be in order.

I noticed that Brodie seems to be louder at school than he is at home. If that was ever possible. He is constantly getting reminded about using a quieter voice at home. I guess it might be working better at here but its not working at school. Poor kid probably thinks we are nagging him.

We also spoke about how Brodie was thinking about not doing an extra year at school. He had it in his mind that he would have to do extra VCE (Victorian Certificate of Education) subjects next year & that he wouldn't graduate this year. Once Miss G explained to Brodie that he still graduates this year and can go to the Year 12 dinner with his friends he seemed to be okay about it. I also explained to him that he gets to do all that fun stuff next year too if he wants too.
Miss G also told Brodie that if he did return next year he doesn't have to to any hard VCE subjects. He can do VCAL (Victorian Certificate of Applied Learning) instead and he can do fun subjects like Art if he wants too. If he chooses not to go back then the school will help prepare him for the 'real' world and make sure that we know of places that can help him work out what he will do after his school life is over.

For now we are going to concentrate on getting his work up to date and Brodie will think about what he is going to do next year. I can't believe that he is almost finished school ...

Course Selection

Last night Angus & I headed off to a Course Selection meeting at his school. Basically it was to go through all the choices that he wanted to pick for next years subjects. Honestly there are so many selections that it was positively confusing. Thank goodness there was a meeting that we could attend to make it less painful.

His choices for next year are:
(these ones are compulsory although there are different levels depending on each kids abilities)
English Communications
Standard Laptop Maths
SOSE - Our Lucky Country
Laptop Science
Karobran
****************
Electives & Free Choices (he may not get these but they are listed in order of preference)
Graphic Design
Team Specialist Boys (PE)
Computer Studies - Digital Imaging
Food Glorious Food
Musicians in the Making
****************
Free Choices & Electives (the just in case preferences)
Car Science
Commerce: Managing My Life
Art
Photography: Picture This
Team Professionals Boys
PE Challenges
Eating for Health
RealITy Bytes

I'm not terribly happy with one of the selections. It was recommended that Angus be in the English Communication class rather than laptop English. Its for kids who need additional time & assistance for basic literacy skills. Its a pathway that leads to VAL English for years 11 & 12. I know Angus struggles with English but that is only because he is lazy (sorry kiddo but its true) but he definitely knows his stuff. I would much rather he be doing 'regular' English that leads to a VCE subject.

Karobran is one of those subjects/units that covers a variety of subjects like social studies, media, health. That sort of thing. Its pretty much based on their 'community' with topics like sexual relationships, human growth, unemployment, grief & loss and mental health. This one is a compulsory unit but it does look interesting.

Commerce is basically learning about life skills for managing your own money. How to choose a good bank account, how to open an account, what does the interest rate mean. What do you look for when choosing a job. How to know which mobile phone contract is the best. A pretty good choice if you ask me but its not one of Angus's early preferences.

Car Science is a good one. It teaches stuff that I think every driver (or potential driver should know). Things like understanding the major operating systems of the car. Knowledge of different engine types. Vehicle & tyre maintenance. Awareness of attitude & concentration to road survival. I reckon it would be good if Angus got this unit. Mark would be able to help him out.

RealITy Bytes shows kids a range of skills & knowledge in IT for the real world. Introductions to databases, spreadsheets etc. They'll explore how it applies to business. They will also look at the legal implications.

The other subjects are pretty self explanatory. I truly hope that Angus is able to get his first choices. However, that been said I would still love for him to do the Car Science & Commerce units.

Educating the New Leadership Team

I got a phone call from Brodie's High School this morning from the new librarian, she's the one in control of first aid & sick kids at school, stating that he wasn't feeling well & she wondered what she should do about it. So I let her know that Brodie is a little bit of a hypochondriac, well maybe that's not the right term to use, and that he is ultra sensitive to pain. I spoke with him briefly stating that if he still felt the same way at the end of recess time to let me know and I'll come collect him.
Sure enough 30 minutes later I received another phone call.

I had a brief chat with one of Brodie's aides. She told me that he didn't seem to be coping so well with all of the changes at the school. There is a new Acting Principal (P), Assistant Principal (AP) & three new teachers. This made me wonder if that was the reason for his not feeling terribly well today.

Last night Brodie told me that he had to see the principal this morning because he was very loud while waiting for the school bus to arrive for the school run home. If anyone truly knew my boy, they would know that there is NO real volume control for this kid. He is quiet while sleeping but when he is awake he is either loud or louder.

I explained this to his aide and said that may have been one of the reasons he didn't feel well. I can't say that he was foxing or anything because he did have a snooze when we got home.

On the drive home Brodie & I got to have a bit of a chat. He said that the new Principal & Assistant Principal were making a lot of changes at the school & he didn't like it. What kid truly likes change but what Aspie kid likes change. None that I know of. He also stated that with all the changes at school it now makes him feel uncomfortable & he doesn't really want to go any more.
Not only did he lose an AP he liked & knew well, the regular P is on long service leave but his favourite aide retired at the end of last year. Brodie misses him terribly. These three people understood him. They got to know where he was at. They knew how to calm him down if needed. They helped him adapt. Thank goodness the teacher who works with all the special needs kids is the same person. I am so grateful that she hasn't gone anywhere.

Brodie is a senior now. Although he loves the things that come with it like the white shirts he can wear, the VCE jumpers, sitting at the back of the bus. All the things that let the other kids know he's a senior. He is however not so sure about the workload that comes along with it. He understands that its a lot harder for him now. That more is expected of him & that he can't have too many days off or he will get too far behind to catch up. I am so proud of him today for talking with his teachers so that he could get some work.

I am worried that it will become too difficult for him, that he may have a meltdown because of the extra stress placed on him. I am also worried about the new leadership team who know absolutely nothing about him. I have visions of them trying to make him fit into a round hole when he is actually a square peg. Just like that teacher back in Year 7 & 8 tried.

I totally understand that as a new leadership team they have to place their mark on the school. That all the students need to know what is expected of them. That they have their own boundaries to set & programs to implement. I'm just concerned knowing how Brodie behaves in new & strange situations that they wont be as understanding if he implodes/explodes unless they truly know him & the struggles we've had to get him where he is today. And the leaps & bounds he has made in the last two years.

So, I have decided that I am going to make a phone call to the school & arrange a time to meet the new 'team'. To let them know how concerned I am & that he isn't like all the other kids.

Oh dear. I just read the school newsletter (thankfully I get it emailed to me) and found out that our 'regular' principal will not be returning at the end of the first semester like we believed he would. I am so sad to see him go. Brodie adored him & I thought he was pretty 'cool' myself.

Now I definitely have to go to the school to educate the New Leadership Team if I want Brodie to feel comfortable about the rest of his schooling.

A Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Here it is week three of term 4 already. I can't believe how quickly the time has gone. Golly gosh we have had some more ups and downs this past fortnight. I keep wondering when the roller coaster ride will stop but I am not sure that it ever will!

So far so good for Brodie at school this term. I've not had any phone calls from the high school so that is a very good thing. I swear though he holds it together at school and keeps the naughtiness for when he gets home. He's been swearing like a trooper over the past few weeks and its just been horrible. Brodie still blames everyone else for his behaviour and wont take ownership of the problem.
Dang and here I was thinking how good things were with no phone calls from the school. I just got an email in regards to Brodie's behaviour on the bus. Looks like I can't win lol. Now I need to deal with the comments he made on the bus .. the little rat bag!! He needs his butt kicked!!

Now where was I ... I went to see Latrobe Community Health Services yesterday. After all the phone calls I had made recently to Commonwealth Carers, Anglicare, Human Services, etc I had finally been able to talk to someone in regards to getting some respite. I keep saying how our family is broken and it needs fixing. We certainly need a break from one another. Any way. I went to a meeting yesterday morning. It looks like I might be entitled to a little of help. I was told the proper terminology for it but basically its comes in small pieces I guess you could say. My case manager will be organising with the shire to send someone around to assess our situation in the hopes of getting some respite through them and possibly getting a cleaner to come around and help. I don't truly expect to get the cleaner but I welcome the idea of having someone look after Brodie for a bit while Angus and I can go out or something along those lines.

I was given some fuel vouchers so that I can go along to applique which is really good because I have missed going to that since the night it is held had been changed from a Tuesday to a Wednesday. Also, I was given some cinema tickets so I can go out without the boys if I want to. To be honest I was thinking that it might be nice to take Angus to the cinema because Brodie gets all sorts of things given to him, he goes on sleep overs etc and Angus doesn't. He deserves to have a treat now and then. Brodie was NOT impressed when I mentioned the possibility of taking Angus out and not him. He tends to forget all that is sone for him and how blessed he is with what he receives from others.

This morning I received a phone call from our Travelling Teacher from Mansfield. She will be coming for a visit next week spending some time at the High School with Brodie and then coming with us to Young Men's and Young Achievers. She will also visit the school on Wednesday morning before I go up to the school to collect Brodie so I can take him to his dentist appointment.

Even thought we have been having an awful time at home there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The fact that we are now beginning to receive some assistance is wonderful. I just hope that things at home will improve and then life would feel so much better.

PSG

I had my first PSG (Parent Support Group) meeting for the year and I got to meet Mike (his aide) in person. It was a really quick meeting too which made for a really nice change. I guess I was just used to the meetings we have when I am collecting Brodie up for a suspension or a meeting that's called for when he comes back after a suspension.

Anyway we basically met so that we could clear up a bit of confusion that Brodie has with his timetable and the lessons he is meant to be doing on Monday & Friday afternoons. Brodie wishes to continue with PE and not do Health Ed. I think that there will be many benefits if he does do Health Ed. I believe that he needs to do this subject just as much as he needs PE. So we've come to an agreement. He will be go to Health Ed for at least the first lesson of the double lesson he has on Friday afternoons to see what its like and hopefully give it a decent go. With Mike's help he should come fine. Then at the end of the first lesson they will leave so that Brodie has some catch up time with the rest of his subjects.
I think that this is fair but I still would like him to have a really good try at staying in Health lessons. Especially since Mike said that they will be learning about social skills and Brodie needs all the help he can get with interpersonal relationships. I'll cross my fingers and we shall see at the end of the week how things went!

The High School Meeting - To be EXPELLED or NOT, that is the question

First things first he wasn't expelled but it isn't totally off the cards either. *sigh of relief*
Now the panel consisted of Graham (the Assistant Principal), Peter (the Principal), Marg (School Council President) and John (School Counsellor/Guidance Officer). Mark was there with me (but boy were we out numbered!!)
Here's what happened in the meeting .. We began with talking about what we have done at home, school & church. We talked about what has been successful in the past, what is or isn't working now and what we could do in the future. This was all discussed before we even had Brodie join us in the latter stages of the meeting.

I told them that I thought that Brodie has reached a plateau in his learning/behaviour. Mark said to them that this plateau may not change for years or it could change at any moment there was now way we could truly know. I explained that changing the geography (meaning changing schools) would not rectify the problem. That all the issues would still be there and they weren't going to change in a hurry. I told them (and Brodie too) that with all the time and effort we have put in over the past 18 months was important, that it was not wasted and that it would be a shame to throw that all away if we had to leave the school. I told them that it would be harder on Brodie if we made him leave, that change is not a good thing for him (Aspie kids don't like change) and that it would be hard 'teaching' a new group of people how to deal successfully (or otherwise) with him.

Brodie, once he was asked to join us, was asked how he felt about his situation and bless him he was very honest with them and very polite as he spoke with the panel. I was proud of him as his behaviour showed the maturity that was required given the seriousness of the meeting. I even told him as much when we were asked to leave the room so that the panel could discuss his future.

Once we were called back in the panel even said that they were impressed with his honesty and told him so. They also said that it was one of the main reasons why they were giving Brodie another chance but there are of course conditions. I expected that there would be. The main one being that Brodie needs to work harder in his sessions with John (school counsellor) and that he is no longer to 'play' games or mess about while in these sessions. That he must try hard to follow teachers instructions and to try hard not to do the back answering/teasing/calling out. Do they expect miracles? (oops sorry for the sarcasm there)

Things will be reviewed some time next school term and we will have regular updates but if there is an outburst of violent behaviour, which can happen without warning, his situation will be reviewed immediately and they will then decide whether he stays or not. I am hoping that this wont happen again and I am doing my darnedest to make sure that Brodie follows the school rules as best he can.

I don't think I have left anything out. We did talk at length though & I have probably forgotten some important parts. He outcome was better than I expected. I did notice though at one stage, and Brodie noticed too, as Peter (Principal) was speaking to him about how he could stay there were tears in his eyes. Brodie said to the Peter that he saw them and Peter didn't deny that they weren't tears. He did talk to him about it but I cannot for the life of me remember what he said. I think I was in 'relief' mode by then. So I know at least that he cares what happens for him to have been affected like that.

The school (mainly the lady who works with kids like Brodie) along with myself are trying to get an integration aide for him (well, at least the funding to try and get an aide for him) we are in the middle of preparing the application for it and he is currently being tested in many different areas such as speech, hearing and eye sight. That was why I stressed to the panel that we have spent a lot of our time and effort on Brodie and his 'school career' and it would've truly been a shame to have wasted it all.

I am still keeping other schools in mind 'just in case' we need to at a future date. I need to keep our options open I guess but I don't want to contact them not yet any way.

Another High School Meeting

Well it's Friday and Brodie & I had to attend a meeting at 8:30 this morning at the High School before he could go into his classes. It was a meeting regarding his behaviour and why he got suspended on Tuesday. No different to any other meeting we have attended I guess. That was until the Principal dropped the bomb shell .... If Brodie's behaviour warrants another suspension he will need to attend a meeting along with myself, Assistant Principal, Principal and the School Guidance Officer (Counsellor) [and hopefully Mark too as I would want him there for any meeting like this] to discuss whether Brodie is to be EXPELLED or not.

Okay it's out there they cannot take it back or back down from such a statement like that. If Brodie stuffs up he is OUT! I can't see them keeping him there after such saying that. I don't know if they said it to make him see how bad his behaviour is or to just frighten him into behaving but they've said it now.

I have no idea what they wanted to achieve with it but I can tell you one thing. I have been extremely upset over it. This is the last thing any mother wants to hear that if their child screws up again they are expelled!! I'm a teacher for goodness sake. Yes I know I am not working as one yet as a teacher it horrifies me that they would even contemplate expelling a child. I know that if it is warranted then they have to but Brodie??!! I know he isn't a good kid all the time, who is? I know he stuff up BIG sometimes. But GOSH to say that! I am shocked, upset, angry, tearful ... you name it I have probably felt it today.

I have yet to speak with Brodie about how he feels with hearing news like that. Let's hope that he pulls his socks up and repents/behaves for the rest of the term at least. I'll have to have a jolly good talk with him tonight about it.

I spoke to a couple of teachers from the Primary School this morning about what happened. They know Brodie really well. I don't know if they were shocked, surprised or not but they were ever so sympathetic. I think I needed that. Anyway one of them suggested I phone the local High School (and I thought perhaps the one in the next town too) to see what sort of strategies they have in place for a child with Aspergers like Brodie and what type of support network they have available. After all he is a special needs kid (who sadly falls outside the current system for assistance).
I don't think that I will be able to phone them today, especially with the way I am feeling and the fact that I need to go back to the Primary School soon to do the newsletter. I want to be able to talk without getting overly emotional on the phone.

Right now I am not sure whether to also phone the LDS Social Services again and have a talk with them and also to try and make sure that I get to see the Bishop on the weekend. Looks like I have a few jobs to do when I get home this afternoon.

Meetings & Other Stuff

I had organised a meeting at the High School for yesterday afternoon. I wanted to find out what Brodie has been up to of late and so see where I needed to concentrate on with him at home as far as his school work is concerned. Mark & I get there just before2 o'clock and the Assistant Principal (AP) meets us to tell us that Brodie isn't feeling all that well and was in the sick bay resting. We went to check on his to make sure it was nothing too serious. I was thinking he might've been foxing as he wanted to go home earlier than usual. He didn't look that well, in fact he was very pale but he said he was okay enough to stay there while Mark & I went to our meeting with the AP & Principal.

No onto the meeting. It seems that our boy has been using some more inappropriate language with girls. Saying things like nice knickers, etc when they're walking up the stairs or making comments about their breasts by saying things like "Got milk?" The little scamp!! They did however say that his language towards girls had improved though. Maybe it has but what he has said was definitely uncalled for.

The Principal said that while Brodie has been on his current medication that his behaviour has improved. That most of what he gets into trouble for now is nowhere near what it was like before. That they can see less bad behaviour and more of his Aspergers coming to the fore. We were also told that the school has sent some of their teachers (about four of them) to Professional Development sessions regarding Aspergers Syndrome. To which these teachers came back and reported to the rest of the staff with many different ideas and things to share with them that will greatly benefit Brodie in the long run. (Our boy is not the only child at their school with Aspergers).

The AP told us that there is still quite a lot of work that Brodie is NOT doing. That he has not been handing in all of his assignments (homework) to his teachers. All I could think was yep that sounds about right. I could talk to Brodie until I am blue in the face and it will not make much of a difference to the amount of work that he produces nor the quality of it either. I will do my best to keep him 'working' and handing in his assignments.

Parent-Teacher-Student interviews will be coming up again in about three weeks time. I will attend and I can just imagine what I will hear. That he isn't doing the work and he isn't participating as well as he can in class. I'm not sure what I can do to change that or if I should even try to.

I don't want to sound like a wet blanket but I have a feeling that even though the school might put him up into year 9 next year he may end up doing year 8 work. I mentioned this yesterday and the AP & P didn't say that was not a possibility.

After the meeting we ended up taking Brodie home & collecting Angus earlier than usual, to save petrol later on and he only missed about 40 minutes of school). Brodie miraculously felt better about half an hour after getting home. I kind of knew he would though the little imp!

Earlier this morning, before 10 am. I got another phone call from the High School. It seems our boy did not behave again. He walked out of class which meant he has a second exit. While the school was on the phone to me I could hear Brodie in the back ground mouthing off and not following the teachers instructions which meant that he has a third 'penalty' against his name. Great you know what that means!! His third exit means a suspension. I went to collect him as there was no use keeping him there. Not happy Jan!!

About an hour after we got home the AP phoned to say that Brodie was not required at school until Friday morning and that if it was possible that I also came up to the school with him before he goes into classes. Sure no problem! I have nothing better to do with my time. Well I know that sounds awful sarcastic but that's how I feel at the moment. I bend over backwards for that boy and this is how he behaves. Gosh that sounds harsh perhaps considering he has Aspergers and other things going on but he knows better! I'm sure he does!!

Yet Another High School Meeting ....

The meeting went really well. In fact better than I expected. It was very positive actually. Not that it wouldn't have been though.

We discussed a lot of different things ranging from B's organisation skill (or lack of) to what sort of aims he needs to achieve.

The school is going to concentrate on using praise and positive reinforcement. Encouraging B to reflect on the good stuff to help boost his self esteem. Which is very low at the best of times.

They will also make sure (well do their best) he sees the rules/consequences for his actions in black and white. That if he messes up there will be differing levels of consequences depending on what he has done but they will be consistent in doing it.

All of B's teachers got together before school started back last week to discuss the challenges that they face with his class. He is not the only challenging student in it. But they have agreed to work together to provide consistency in their behaviour management strategies. A bonus in my book!

I have asked that I would like to have the homework or workload information to be either posted home or an email sent to me as I want to make sure that I get the information. We also decided that B should still be given the information so that he can still learn to be responsible in getting it home, including the use of his diary. This way I can see if he is making sure that the correct information is getting home and praising him if he gets it right.

During our meeting B was asked to bring in his folder to show us his work. Peter, the principal, made a point of praising him about the amount of work he is doing and the quality of it also. You should've seen B puff up his chest he was so proud! So praise is a definite reward for him as it is working so well right now.

The school is continuing with the DVD rewards like last year so that is helping as well as far as the token reinforcement. This time it is Star Trek Voyager.

As far as where B is for his work and what aims and objectives he is working on is being worked out by the teachers. New year new teachers so they are working out where he is at. He will need different ones for English but for Maths he is working above the level of the kids in his class, which is brilliant!! The Science and SOSE teachers are still working things out.

I mentioned the fact that perhaps B messes up in order to not be at school but Peter seemed to think that was not the case as from what he has seen B loves being there.

I am so grateful that Peter is the principal of B's High School. He is so understanding and helps B so much. He also wont let B get too far off track and brings him back in line when and as the need arises. B just adores him!! And since Brodie is much happier there I adore him too!!

The topic of medication came up also. They all agreed that B is much more settled this term More so than last year. I think it is to do with his medications being increased. I asked them to let me know if they still have more problems in the afternoon or not that way we know if his meds need to be altered again.

Our High School Meeting

Mark & I had a meeting at the High School this morning. It was so good to have Mark there with me for support. With him at my side I didn't feel outnumbered. It certainly didn't make the big fella feel outnumbered either even though he was not present for the whole meeting.

We spoke about several things today including what's been happening recently at school. It seems out the Big Fella has been a bit of a rat bag on the bus and saying some inappropriate things to the younger kids who travel to the primary school & tripping kids as they were leaving the bus the other day. We made him go over the 'rules' which hopefully he will follow and there will be no more incidents on the bus trip to or from school.

We spoke about Blackwood Annex again, which I kind of knew would happen. We made it clear in no uncertain terms that with ALL the people we have spoken to about this, whom thankfully agree with Mark & I, that this annex is not a good thing for the Big Fella. I think they understood our reasoning but they didn't particularly like it (well Graham didn't). Rather than let the HS know that we were completely against this idea and not open to suggestions (even though our answer would still be no) Mark did tell Graham, the Assistant Principal, and Peter, the Principal, that he (we) would be willing to talk to the relevant people at the annex to hear what they have to say about their 'school'.

Mark & I also mentioned the Independent Learning Plan (ILP). I stated that I would prefer that the Big Fella do this with all of his subjects and that I want a copy of each plan for my records at home so that I can help the Big Fella to achieve the goals that have been set or at least work out where he is up to as far as achieving the goals that have been set.
Peter said that it is probably the way to go. That for some subjects where the Big Fella is lacking abilities or is struggling with (for example English) he will be on a ILP. He also said that there are subjects where he will not need them if he is at the same level as the other kids in his grade. He also said that there are some subjects where the big fella is well above what the other kids are doing, for example Maths and Information Technology. Peter said that he thinks the Big Fella is above the year 7 level for sure and that he may even be able to do work of a higher grade for these subjects. I guess they may need to assess him to see exactly where he is at before making a final decision.

I also got the email address from the High School. I told Peter and Graham how I have been getting the Big Fella to do his work on the computer and make Powerpoint presentations or word documents to complete his assignments. I had been burning the completed work onto a re-writable disc but there was no guarantee that the Big Fella was remembering to hand the disc over to his teachers. I asked if I could email it directly to the High School to make sure that the get it. Peter thought that was a good idea and assured me that the work would go to the right teachers when they receive any emails. So that was a relief to know that his work will actually get handed in.

I also mentioned to Peter that the Big Fella had been forging our signatures in his diary. Peter asked the Big Fella to make sure that he has it tomorrow because he 'conveniently' left it at home. He wont get out of this one!!! I'll post it to the school if I have to!! He is busted BIG time!!

All in all, even though there were a lot of things we didn't always agree on I think that today we managed to make some progress.

A Phone Call From The High School

I got yet another phone call from the High School last week on Friday afternoon. It was from Graham the Assistant Principal. He was telling me how the school (more than likely it was just Graham's idea) would like the Big Fella to go to Blackwood annex next year. I remember K's son "T" (K is a former friend & I wont mention her real name) going to the annex a couple of years ago. I remember it was a school where the kids were responsible for their own learning and that they were ALLOWED to smoke at school!!!! "T" came back worse than when he went there!!!

Anyway Graham was telling me how it would be a good thing for the Big Fella. I also remember talking with Marg (Anglicare) before she finished working with us. Her partner works at that annex and she was telling me that the environment at that 'school' is not a good one for our boy.

I spoke with Ian (the principal at the primary school) about it last week when I went to do the newsletter and he said that if Marg thinks that it isn't good then don't let him go!

So I called the school yesterday afternoon to speak with Graham telling him of the decision Mark and I had made. In fact it wasn't all that hard to say NO to the prospect of him going to Blackwood. I think it sent Graham for a spin. I told him my reasons why I don't the Big Fella to go there. The Big Fella is at that age where he desperately wants to fit in with the crowd and he would do just about anything to fit in .. Including taking up smoking! He was caught with a cigarette after all. I would love to believe him when he said he was just holding it but there is that little niggling bit of doubt there. I hate to think that way but its there none the less.

So on Thursday morning we have a meeting at the High School to work out where we go to from here for next year. I think this is where I take in the Individual Learning Goals sheet that I printed from the Victorian Education Departments web site and say that I would like EACH of his teachers for next year to write down exactly what is required and expected of the Big Fella. That I would like a copy of it for my records at home and that I would prefer that he do as much of this in the classroom with the other kids about rather than in the library where he doesn't always complete the work that is required of him. If I don't have the courage to say all of this I'm thinking I will ask Mark to!!

Is This A Big joke??

Sometimes I swear that the big fella thinks it's all a big joke to not be at school. He told me his aim was to be kicked out for the day. Little does he realise that what he does had ramifications for the WHOLE family!!

His little episode this morning means that I now have to find extra petrol to put into the car because it was a long trip I had NOT planned on. So I will have to use money that I put aside for the bushdance fundraiser that the little dudes school is holding on Saturday night. Now we wont have the money to get into the social event for the year. I don't know how disappointed the little dude is now that I have told him we wont be able to go.

I was meant to go to a meeting tonight but we wont have the petrol for that trip either. I've been umming and ahhing about whether we can go to Church this Sunday. I honestly don't know if we will have the fuel for that 80 km trip. It just breaks my heart that there are so many things we are meant to be doing that we just cannot afford to do right now. I thought that moving into this place was meant to help us out financially and get us back on our feet but it really isn't working out that way at the moment.

I was talking to the little dude yesterday explaining how difficult things are at the moment as far as the big fella and the High School. I didn't say too much because I didn't want to bog down his mind with details he just doesn't need to hear. I explained to him how when I was starting High School that Nanna and Poppa made the choice of sending me to a different school. I explained to him how I felt when they made that decision and how hurt I was when they did it. I also explained to him now that I am older I truly understand why they did what they did and that it was the best decision they could've made at the time in regards to my education. I was priming him up to face the possibility of him not going to the same High School as his brother. The little dude is a really smart boy. He understands how difficult it was with Buddy (my brother) and I when we were kids and how he was such a naughty boy at school. He sees the similarities between himself and his brother. So he told me that he understands that he may not be going to the same High School. I think at least this way if I can help him to understand now before we need to decide which High School he goes to (even though it is a couple of years away from now) that he wont feel as bad when we make our final decision.

I'm still at a loss as to what to do with the big fella. The High School phoned a short time ago saying he was allowed to come back tomorrow (how nice of them!!!) and that we will be having a meeting next Tuesday afternoon at 2 p.m. to discuss what we can do next to improve the situation at school. I've just left a message for Marg (Anglicare) to let her know about the meeting considering it was a time we had scheduled for us to have a meeting ~which of course wont happen now but I did extend the invitation to her so that if she wishes to attend the meeting at the High School she can.
I've only just realised that I need to phone GCAMHS and change that appointment it was meant to be for Mark and I alone next week but it turns out that the big fella has yet ANOTHER day off from school due to parent-teacher interviews. I don't get this how they can allow for days off just for interviews. Never in ALL my years of teaching did I ever have a student free day just to conduct interviews. The slackers! I just don't get it!!

Stop the world!! I want to get off!!!!!

That BIG Meeting at the High School

That big meeting at the High School Today .... First of all I got to meet the NEW principal. He seems very nice. Secondly I am NOT happy with GCAMHS. It seems that since they have found out that we are getting big fella privately assessed they are NOT willing to keep the appointment we made for next Tuesday. They want to see what happens at the assessment first. I can tell you I was NOT happy to find this out at the meeting today. They could've at least had the courtesy to have told me before hand and not in front of 6 other people!! How rude is that!!!!!
Oops I think I need to revise that. I just got a phone call from Kate from GCAMHS saying that it was okay to keep our appointment for next week but it wont be with Carolyn because she is at another meeting that day.

Okay now to the meeting. Let's see who did we have there ... Carolyn & Cate from GCAMHS, John the School Psychologist, Marg from Anglicare, both the Principal and Assistant Principal, the middle years coordinator and Mark & myself.
We now have an agreement that the big fella WILL be at school for 4 days a week with Wednesdays off. I think I can handle that! I know that my PURSE (and Lily~ my car) will be grateful for not having the extra travel and forking out for MORE petrol!!

There will be NEW rules for the big fella to follow. Well not new ones but they will be written more clearly. Especially since he sees things in Black & White if they are written specifically then he will have NO problems understanding them. Well maybe less of a problem I can't be to optimistic. I did explain that he does take things literally. For example if you say pull your socks up (which I've said to many a kid before) they understood that it meant they needed to toe the line and start to behave better but with the big fella he will listen to what was said and literally just pull his socks up.

So we all agreed that since we have the appointment on Thursday with the psychologist and the fact that the big fella will be having Wednesdays off & to give the school time to sort out the stuff that they need to do before he goes back. We will keep him home Friday as well so that he can have a fresh start with the new system in place on Monday. They will be emailling us with the new format before the end of the week so that we can go over it with the big fella before Monday morning.

With the new system however, it will be slightly different to what was in place earlier. This time he will have a daily sheet that needs to be signed by his teachers with a tick and cross for the work he has achieved in class and for his behaviour in the class. He will also be given a reward system for the ticks that he receives. The new Principal (whose name I cannot recall) is going to let the big fella know what his rewards are and he is willing to bring in some of his Star Trek videos for the big fella to watch as part of his reward. I know that he will love this because he just loves Star Trek, Stargate SG1 & SGA and Dr. Who.

I am so glad that Mark (I really appreciated his being there) and Marg were there to help talk things through. I don't know if I would've remembered as much as I did to share at the meeting. Thank goodness they could help out

One things I was a little disappointed with was the fact that I couldn't get a copy of the assessment that Chris (the special ed lady) did with the big fella early last term. She is on holidays until August! Not good enough!! She's had ample time to send me a copy of what she tested him for and not I don't have a copy to take to the psychologist. It really is NOT good enough!!! But I wont go on about it because there isn't anything I can do.

Oh well time to go help Mark with dinner ... ... ... oh well I'm a little late for that because he's already dont it all. I'm lucky tonight I don't have to cook!!

Would You Believe?

I can't believe it!! First day back at school and we get yet ANOTHER phone call saying come and collect him he's been swearing, not following instructions and refusing to go to class!!! It wasn't even midday!! I know we have a meeting regarding his behaviour and stuff tomorrow but I was at least hoping he was going to be in class for the WHOLE day not at home again!! They don't even want him at school tomorrow so that makes for a disaster doesn't it!!

I found out this morning from the little dudes principal that they have a pupil free day on Thursday which I totally forgot about! So I had to find somewhere for him to go while we attend the psychologist appointment! Thankfully I was able to talk to Melinda and ask her if the little dude can stay with her while we go for this assessment. She said that it would be no problem. That's such a relief because the little dude loves going there and playing with her boys! So at least I can concentrate on the task of the day and I wont need to worry about my two being bored and fighting at the clinic we're going to!

I'm wondering what Susie is thinking about the phone call we got. We were visiting her this morning when the High School phones Mark's mobile. She's a member from church and she's broken and dislocated her ankle. Mark and I were there helping a little with the cleaning, washing and the kids. Her little ones don't go back until Wednesday because they're at a private school. I was telling her about the assessment we have this week and she believes that we wont have any problems with the diagnosis of Aspergers. She said that the big fella has it to some degree along with the ADHD. I'm just hoping that he is given that label (not that I want him labelled or anything) but it will open up so many more doors for us with help from Autism Victoria. They have so many different programmes and aids that we can utilize if he is diagnosed. Oh well not long to go before we find out anyway.

Now to keep this child busy until the meeting tomorrow afternoon. I'm thinking gardening, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, dusting and general cleaning may keep him busy until we need to leave for the High School. If he doesn't like it that is TOO BAD because he isn't home to have fun!!

woohoo School's back tomorrow!!

Ok time for a quick post. First of all I survived the holidays! WOOHOO!! But now for the next bit ... school goes back tomorrow! I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

Well in some ways it's a good thing. The little dude is so looking forward to going back to school. I think maybe it's because he gets to play on the new adventure playground again. It certainly wont be because he's missed his friends!

I'm not looking forward to the possibility of all the travelling I need to do this week on behalf of the big fella. I certainly hope that the school will agree to him staying a full day at school. I will certainly be pulling my hair out if they say NO!! After all they really don't take into consideration that I don't really have the money to go up there everyday to collect him!
We do have that big meeting at the school on Tuesday afternoon. It should be interesting to say the least. We'll have so many adults there it will totally frazzle the big fella if they think he is going to attend it as well. They had better not expect him to attend.
Let's see who is meant to be there... Mark & I of course, Marge from Anglicare, Chris from Special Ed., John the School Psychologist, Carolyn from GCAMHS (Denise is no longer coming ~ thank goodness because she didn't seem very open to much on the phone), the Assistant Principal, the Principal and the Middle Years coordinator. I think that's about it and I certainly hope so because that is a lot people to talk about one boy! Oh and I think some guy from the Education Dept. who deals with Under 15 kids at risk of leaving school early.

Oh well I'm off to watch a bit of tv before heading off to bed.

Our week so far

Monday ... Yet another meeting at the High School. I am getting so tired of these. Sometimes I feel that I am talking to a brick wall and we are getting nowhere. It's almost like the school is beginning to be on the defensive and the big fella just switches off. Thank goodness Marg was there to help me out. She's the lady from Anglicare that is helping us out. It was so good to balance out the numbers.

The big fellas science teacher came in to talk with us about what happened the previous week in the classroom which caused yet another suspension from school.(That's a total of 22 school days suspended!!!) Anyway back to the teacher. I was informed of what happened and how he had threatened to throw a chair (but didn't which I am grateful for). Then I was told that the big fella had threatened to harm himself. OMGosh I was so shocked and ANGRY to only just hear about this from the science teacher. I had NO idea that the big fella had felt that way. I am totally disgusted that the school did NOT inform me of this when I was phoned to come and collect him the week before when he got suspended. I told the School Counsellor when I saw him on Tuesday of these events and I am hoping that he will talk to the Principals and Assistant Principal on my behalf.

I was and still am very annoyed as to the fact that they NEVER told me!!! I mean for goodness sake the big fella is showing classic signs of depression and for him to say that in front of a classroom full of kids is really something. He may have been grandstanding but that isn't the point either. They should've told me so that I can check things out further!!! After we have a family history of depression and with all the meds the big fella is on we really need to know what is going on in his head!!!

We had the missionaries over for an early dinner on Tuesday night because the big fella had a young men's activity at the chapel which Mark is taking him to. So I was like a headless chook running about trying to get dinner ready for 5:30 rather than our usual 6 PM since Mark & the big fella needed to leave around 6:20. He really needs to go to these events and activities because he just needs to be around the right kids.
At least the little dude and I can have some special time together tonight. Although I'm not sure what we will do. The little dude wanted to learn how to crochet so I had better find another crochet hook so he can learn.
Dinner went really well with the missionaries. They stayed for a while after Mark & the big fella left. They were playing the guitar, singing songs from the primary CD one of the primary teachers made so we could learn the songs, doing magic tricks and making origami animals! I think the missionaries and the little dude had a great time. I know I did .. I had fun watching. The little dude and I ended up having a great evening. He did learn to crochet but I think he still needs loads of help.

Wednesday ... let's see nothing much happened here really. Well apart from the fact that I got another phone call from the High School. This time to arrange another appointment/meeting but with the Special Ed lady, Chris, who tested the big fella earlier this term. Finally I get to hear the results. Oh and this lady is the same one who said that the big fella did NOT have Asperger Syndrome when she first met him about 3 years ago. Anyway I told the school that I couldn't go up there early in the morning. I use enough petrol travelling back and forth to the school and that it would create another 50 km drive for me that I am not prepared to make. They gave me Chris's phone number so I tried contacting her but she left the office for the day. But John was there, the Counsellor/Guidance Officer, and he said he would talk with Chris.
I swear they do NOT realise what hardship we go through with the big fella and ALL this extra travelling we do. We've used more than half of our weekly budget just on petrol this week and I don't know how much more of this I can take!
Marg phoned me on Wednesday as well. She was checking out a few things for me. Like how we go about getting the big fella officially tested for Aspergers because Denise from GCAMHS isn't convinced that he has is. How the heck she can decide that is beyond me because she hasn't even met him yet!!! Anyway there is a 15 month waiting list for him to be tested at the Children's hospital. Way too long if you ask me. There is a 12 month wait through GCAMHS which is still fat too long. So the only other option is to have him tested privately. Autism Victoria have a couple o f good psychologists that they use to test children but they are expensive. Marg told me it would cost anywhere between $600 & $800. I almost cried. How on earth are we meant to come up with that kind of money when we live from week to week and can't even afford something as simple as a haircut for me?? I was all set to throw this into the too hard basket but Marg said don't give up. Let's see what can happen!
Oops almost forgot. Denise mentioned that we should have some Education Department bloke rock up to our July 4th meeting at the High School. He's something to do with kids under 15 who are at risk of leaving school early. Which is highly likely for the big fella considering how they've been treating him!! What kid would want to stay at school when they know that the school cannot handle them and palm them off as soon as they get the chance! Anyway Marg said that I should inform the school that this Ed. Dept. person may be coming to the meeting and see what they say! I forgot to mention this to the school perhaps I had better do that today!!

Thursday .. I went to see my GP yesterday so that I could get some more medication for my skin and some anti-inflammatory meds for my arm. I don't know if I mentioned that he diagnosed carpal tunnel. Anyway he gave me some samples a few weeks ago and they have worked wonders and he said to come back and get a script if they were helpful ... so I did.
Not a lot really happened yesterday. At least not compared to the previous days.

Enough is Enough

I've had about all I can take for today. I'm just so tired that I don't want to do anything else but the day hasn't even finished yet. I don't know how much more I can take.

This morning I woke at about 7am after a reasonably restless night. I've had trouble sleeping these past few nights. Well just over the weekend really. Too much to think about and worry about perhaps. Anyway I didn't bother going back to sleep what's the point really I had to get up and take the boys to school. We got the little dude off no problem and then it was up to the High School with the big fella for yet ANOTHER meeting this time at 9:15 a.m. We ran a little late .. I hate driving up through Jindi like I did today but there was no point going around the other way it's a waste of time and petrol. The road has too many twists and turns and is very hilly.

The AP, suggested I take a look online to find out some information about Oppositional Defiant Disorder (American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry). He was reading about it last week and he said it described the big fella really well. So when I finally made it home I checked and sure enough it does describe him to a T. So there is yet another label that we can attach to him. Something else to describe his 'behaviour'.

Oh I know that there has been no diagnosis of this but at this stage it doesn't really matter. I've had just about all I can take and I don't want ANYTHING else to go wrong. It's not like we don't have enough to contend with as it is. I still feel like I am being punished. I don't know what I did wrong but I just cannot take it any more. While at the school I was also informed that the big fella is to be picked up at 12:50 each day. (Yippee more travelling!!!! ~ that adds another 250 km at least to our weekly travels!!)

So today I went up there to collect him at the time I was told to only to be informed that he has 'hurt' his ankle and that he told the teachers that he wanted them to phone me so that I can get crutches for him. Well of course I don't have the money to get them. I have barely enough money to put food on the table this week. In fact I spent all of the $70 we had on groceries after I collected the big fella. Anyway the big fella abused me for not getting the crutches and started yelling at me and telling me that he would rather stay at school! Well HELLO!! They don't want you there in the afternoons MISTER!! So you have to come home!! He tried to make a huge fuss in front of some kids that where there so I just told him straight out that the school doesn't want him there and he has to get into the car. Well if looks could kill I would be dead!! We left the school and I went grocery shopping and the big fella sat on his butt in the car and left everything to me. Needless to say that when we got home I was not a happy camper! I told him off for being lazy and faking his sore ankle. He put weight on it and could walk about. If you've sprained it you can't put any pressure on it. I know I've sprained one of my ankles before!!

Oh great I look at the clock and I have to go out AGAIN in a few minutes. This time to collect the little dude. I swear I am going to HATE driving soon. It have become such a chore when it shouldn't be! I would love nothing more than to sit on the couch and curl up with a book or pretend to watch t.v. but that wont happen! When I get home I'll have to start doing something about dinner among other things. I just want this day to end already!!

Tonight is meant to be family home evening but I don't even know if we are going to do that either. Mark is asleep at the moment. He's been asleep nearly all day so I don't know if he is up to sitting at the table tonight or not. I'm in such a grump I am likely to snap at the kids and I don't want to do that. I'm not even in the mood for FHE. Who knows what the little dude will be like .. probably fine until he gets home and the big fella abuses him like he usually does.

I've been thinking about our finances and to tell you the truth it is giving me a headache. We've done a budget that we showed the Bishop last week and it needs to be amended with extras added in more detail so that the Bishop can see where we need some assistance. Mark hasn't been up to doing it. Well not today at least but it need to be done before tomorrow afternoon when we have to go to the chapel for the big fellas Young Men's activity, which for the moment is basketball practise. They have a game coming up this Saturday. We need to finalise the details for that too. I don't even know if Mark will be able to drive Brodie there tomorrow night or not yet. If he isn't able to I'll have to do it and I hate driving at night. Not only that but we need to measure the front window that the big fella smashed. To be honest I hate asking for charity. It means that I am unable to provide for my family. Things have just been so hard I don't know how we are going to manage at all.

Gosh I've lost my train of thought .. the big fella interrupted me .. not that it matters really. I need to get off this thing and get ready to collect the little dude from school. MORE travelling .. just GREAT!!

STOP the world. I want to get OFF!!! I can't take any more!!