Tips from the Psychologist

Brodie & I went into Melbourne yesterday to see the Psychologist. Considering how far we had to travel (90 km/55 miles) it was a nice drive really.

I got a few tips/advice from Richard (our psychologist) that should help us out at home.

• to save an argument from occurring apologise even if you are in the right. Aspie kids love to hear you say sorry. For example: In the car after school I didn't ask B all the usual questions like How was your day? He got extremely upset about it. So what I need to do is say Sorry I didn't ask how your day went. My mistake but I thought that you might have needed a break from talk and thinking about your school day & I didn't want to cause you any stress.
  

• Its okay for an Aspie to get distressed a bit. You can't wrap them in cotton wool and protect them forever. For example: Brodie got very distressed last week when someone told him they were dying (they weren't of course they were just having an off day and didn't think before they spoke) and he runs off to his room, let him. He will survive and calm down. Perhaps if we are lucky he may even have a snooze. Its better if Brodie gets distressed than physically violent with me like he has done in the past.

• If he wants his time on the computer or play station let him. Its his way of winding down. Aspie kids need anywhere up to 5 - 6 hours of non-thinking wind down time after a hard day at school. That's why PS2 & computer games are good, they are predictable and kids don't have to think about what happens next. They already know what will happen.
  

• Let them watching the same movies over and over again even if you are sick of them. They don't need to think about what is happening because they know the storyline so well. You can always get another tv and vcr/dvd player for their bedroom.
  

That's pretty much all that I can remember for the moment & some of these tips I knew anyway but its always good to get a fresh reminder.

Don't Take It Personally

When someone is swearing at you like a trooper calling you all the horrible names under the sun like whore & slut, screaming at you from the top of their lungs. Making you feel terrible and worthless. What do you do? Do you accept it or fight back? Well I am supposed to remember this one sentence .. Don't take it personally. At least that is what the psychologist said when we saw him the other month. How can you not take it personally?

You know I could cope with this more if Brodie didn't get physical too. He says he doesn't realise that he does it. That isn't the point though is it. If he gets like this with me what will he do to his little brother?

I'm at the point where enough is enough. I can't handle his behaviour any more. I was thinking a short time ago how well I was doing and how perhaps I could start coming off the antidepressants that I have been on for years but these past two weeks (school holidays end tomorrow) I have felt more depressed than I have in years. Well maybe not depressed but more blue I suppose you could say. All I can say for the moment is I am glad that school goes back tomorrow!!

Pet Peeves

Oh I am having one of those afternoons/evenings where the little things that happen seem to be extra annoying! I don't think I have a lot of pet peeves but it certainly feels that way today.

I wash the dishes and the kids are meant to dry them, right? Not on your Nellie. At least not in this house! Oh don't get me wrong the boys are totally lazy. Angus did dry 'a few' earlier. The one thing I insist on is that any dishes in the drainer are to be dried and put away before I finish cooking tea or even before I begin preparing it. Not only did Brodie walk up to me in the kitchen while I was drying them he walked off and said nothing. Then wondered why I got annoyed with him!!

Well I am going to go with something that the psychologist said .. if the jobs don't get done they don't get paid! Then we will see how they feel when they want money and I don't hand ANY over!!

It's Been A While

I finally thought I had better get around to making another post. I didn't realise that it's been as long as it has since I've added something here. As you might be able to guess I have been a bit busy. Although not too busy that I couldn't have typed something up if I wanted to.

I don't know where to start... Ummm... let's see. We've been to visit a psychologist, Richard Eisenmajer. He was great and very helpful. He put things in terms that we could understand very clearly. Brodie is like a King. Kings want things on demand and usually immediately or even yesterday. Kinds thing of the rest of us as peasants/slaves to do their menial tasks like cleaning he bedroom, making the bed, cooking, washing etc. We just have to dethrone the king and make him a peasant too! Not an easy task but with patience and YEARS of practise we might get there.

Also, we were told that Brodie will need to spend a long time learning many things. The best thing we can do for him is to keep him in school for as long as possible. School being High School and then TAFE. Richard recommended that he be in TAFE until he is at least 24 because by then he may be able to go out into the real world and live on his own. *SIGH* i thought we might have had him move out of home before then. Who knows with how he has been behaving and treating us of late.

I hate to say this but Brodie has been so horrid at times. He picked up a maglight the other day and went to attack me. Mark stopped him from hurting anyone with the torch but in the process Brodie elbowed Mark in the chest and broke one of his ribs. I swear I don't know what to do with that child sometimes.

We need a break from Brodie or this family may end up self-destructing and I certainly don't want that to happen. I just wish Brodie wasn't so violent and abusive to all of us. If he was an adult I would call this domestic violence. Maybe it still is. All I know is that if he keeps this up I wont want him at home...

Part of Week Two ...

I cannot tell you how much of a relief it was this past week to be able to survive without so much as an argument or a screaming match happening in our house. It was wonderful to be able to relax and just enjoy the holidays. Oh I know it might sound a bit harsh knowing that Brodie is on camp and saying all of this but let's face it I have to be honest and say how I feel. It's been great without all that added tension going on in our house.

In fact I went to see my GP on Tuesday morning and told him exactly how things have been at home. Of course while I was there I forgot to mention some of the other things I originally went to see him for. I got side tracked obviously with discussing Brodie. Actually with Dr. F taking my blood pressure and with him saying it was okay got me started (150/85 ~ or it could've been 14o I'm not sure) on talking about Brodie. I said that with the stress I had been under I was surprised that it wasn't higher.

Anyway he got me thinking about Brodie seeing a psychologist or a psychiatrist or just getting some counselling. Dr. F only gets one referral for us to have 6 free visits for counselling and he doesn't want to waste our referral on someone who may not be specialised enough to deal with out particular situation. Which of course I totally understand. I spent most of Wednesday on the phone tracking down different agencies that may be able to assist us. I called Autism Victoria, our paediatrician, Berry Street and even Quantum Support Services. I've only gotten replies from two places. I'm thinking that this week I may need to contact them again to get some answers/suggestions/help!

I was going to add more but I have totally lost my train of thought which makes me think I need to get off this thing for a while and perhaps update at a later date (or not).

The High School Meeting - To be EXPELLED or NOT, that is the question

First things first he wasn't expelled but it isn't totally off the cards either. *sigh of relief*
Now the panel consisted of Graham (the Assistant Principal), Peter (the Principal), Marg (School Council President) and John (School Counsellor/Guidance Officer). Mark was there with me (but boy were we out numbered!!)
Here's what happened in the meeting .. We began with talking about what we have done at home, school & church. We talked about what has been successful in the past, what is or isn't working now and what we could do in the future. This was all discussed before we even had Brodie join us in the latter stages of the meeting.

I told them that I thought that Brodie has reached a plateau in his learning/behaviour. Mark said to them that this plateau may not change for years or it could change at any moment there was now way we could truly know. I explained that changing the geography (meaning changing schools) would not rectify the problem. That all the issues would still be there and they weren't going to change in a hurry. I told them (and Brodie too) that with all the time and effort we have put in over the past 18 months was important, that it was not wasted and that it would be a shame to throw that all away if we had to leave the school. I told them that it would be harder on Brodie if we made him leave, that change is not a good thing for him (Aspie kids don't like change) and that it would be hard 'teaching' a new group of people how to deal successfully (or otherwise) with him.

Brodie, once he was asked to join us, was asked how he felt about his situation and bless him he was very honest with them and very polite as he spoke with the panel. I was proud of him as his behaviour showed the maturity that was required given the seriousness of the meeting. I even told him as much when we were asked to leave the room so that the panel could discuss his future.

Once we were called back in the panel even said that they were impressed with his honesty and told him so. They also said that it was one of the main reasons why they were giving Brodie another chance but there are of course conditions. I expected that there would be. The main one being that Brodie needs to work harder in his sessions with John (school counsellor) and that he is no longer to 'play' games or mess about while in these sessions. That he must try hard to follow teachers instructions and to try hard not to do the back answering/teasing/calling out. Do they expect miracles? (oops sorry for the sarcasm there)

Things will be reviewed some time next school term and we will have regular updates but if there is an outburst of violent behaviour, which can happen without warning, his situation will be reviewed immediately and they will then decide whether he stays or not. I am hoping that this wont happen again and I am doing my darnedest to make sure that Brodie follows the school rules as best he can.

I don't think I have left anything out. We did talk at length though & I have probably forgotten some important parts. He outcome was better than I expected. I did notice though at one stage, and Brodie noticed too, as Peter (Principal) was speaking to him about how he could stay there were tears in his eyes. Brodie said to the Peter that he saw them and Peter didn't deny that they weren't tears. He did talk to him about it but I cannot for the life of me remember what he said. I think I was in 'relief' mode by then. So I know at least that he cares what happens for him to have been affected like that.

The school (mainly the lady who works with kids like Brodie) along with myself are trying to get an integration aide for him (well, at least the funding to try and get an aide for him) we are in the middle of preparing the application for it and he is currently being tested in many different areas such as speech, hearing and eye sight. That was why I stressed to the panel that we have spent a lot of our time and effort on Brodie and his 'school career' and it would've truly been a shame to have wasted it all.

I am still keeping other schools in mind 'just in case' we need to at a future date. I need to keep our options open I guess but I don't want to contact them not yet any way.

The Weather, Another Suspension & LDS Social Services

Boy has it been cold these past few days with warnings of black ice on the roads. There was even snow at Brodie's High School and he got busted for throwing snowballs. He got an exit for that one. I was worried that we might have ice on the roads but luckily I haven't come across any but I have been driving slower just in case.

I got a phone call from the HS again this morning. They phoned yesterday when I was out grocery shopping. It seems our boy has been suspended AGAIN! He has had three exits already this term and the term is only 4 days old!! He'll stay at school for the rest of the day but I assume not in his classes. He is off until next Tuesday and he will need to complete 5 hours worth of work for each day that he isn't at school. Good luck in trying to get him to do that. Last time I may as well have pulled my own teeth out.

In some ways with his suspension being on Monday it's turned out okay, as I have an appointment with LDS Social services that afternoon. The person we are seeing is a member but he is also a former Bishop and a psychologist. All things which will hopefully help us. I didn't want to take Brodie to start with but since he is home any way it wont hurt for him to be there. That way LDS SS will be able to see what we 'put' up with. I think it will be of great benefit to talk to someone from Church as I believe that they will be able to help us much better than an 'outside' psychologist.

That BIG Meeting at the High School

That big meeting at the High School Today .... First of all I got to meet the NEW principal. He seems very nice. Secondly I am NOT happy with GCAMHS. It seems that since they have found out that we are getting big fella privately assessed they are NOT willing to keep the appointment we made for next Tuesday. They want to see what happens at the assessment first. I can tell you I was NOT happy to find this out at the meeting today. They could've at least had the courtesy to have told me before hand and not in front of 6 other people!! How rude is that!!!!!
Oops I think I need to revise that. I just got a phone call from Kate from GCAMHS saying that it was okay to keep our appointment for next week but it wont be with Carolyn because she is at another meeting that day.

Okay now to the meeting. Let's see who did we have there ... Carolyn & Cate from GCAMHS, John the School Psychologist, Marg from Anglicare, both the Principal and Assistant Principal, the middle years coordinator and Mark & myself.
We now have an agreement that the big fella WILL be at school for 4 days a week with Wednesdays off. I think I can handle that! I know that my PURSE (and Lily~ my car) will be grateful for not having the extra travel and forking out for MORE petrol!!

There will be NEW rules for the big fella to follow. Well not new ones but they will be written more clearly. Especially since he sees things in Black & White if they are written specifically then he will have NO problems understanding them. Well maybe less of a problem I can't be to optimistic. I did explain that he does take things literally. For example if you say pull your socks up (which I've said to many a kid before) they understood that it meant they needed to toe the line and start to behave better but with the big fella he will listen to what was said and literally just pull his socks up.

So we all agreed that since we have the appointment on Thursday with the psychologist and the fact that the big fella will be having Wednesdays off & to give the school time to sort out the stuff that they need to do before he goes back. We will keep him home Friday as well so that he can have a fresh start with the new system in place on Monday. They will be emailling us with the new format before the end of the week so that we can go over it with the big fella before Monday morning.

With the new system however, it will be slightly different to what was in place earlier. This time he will have a daily sheet that needs to be signed by his teachers with a tick and cross for the work he has achieved in class and for his behaviour in the class. He will also be given a reward system for the ticks that he receives. The new Principal (whose name I cannot recall) is going to let the big fella know what his rewards are and he is willing to bring in some of his Star Trek videos for the big fella to watch as part of his reward. I know that he will love this because he just loves Star Trek, Stargate SG1 & SGA and Dr. Who.

I am so glad that Mark (I really appreciated his being there) and Marg were there to help talk things through. I don't know if I would've remembered as much as I did to share at the meeting. Thank goodness they could help out

One things I was a little disappointed with was the fact that I couldn't get a copy of the assessment that Chris (the special ed lady) did with the big fella early last term. She is on holidays until August! Not good enough!! She's had ample time to send me a copy of what she tested him for and not I don't have a copy to take to the psychologist. It really is NOT good enough!!! But I wont go on about it because there isn't anything I can do.

Oh well time to go help Mark with dinner ... ... ... oh well I'm a little late for that because he's already dont it all. I'm lucky tonight I don't have to cook!!

Would You Believe?

I can't believe it!! First day back at school and we get yet ANOTHER phone call saying come and collect him he's been swearing, not following instructions and refusing to go to class!!! It wasn't even midday!! I know we have a meeting regarding his behaviour and stuff tomorrow but I was at least hoping he was going to be in class for the WHOLE day not at home again!! They don't even want him at school tomorrow so that makes for a disaster doesn't it!!

I found out this morning from the little dudes principal that they have a pupil free day on Thursday which I totally forgot about! So I had to find somewhere for him to go while we attend the psychologist appointment! Thankfully I was able to talk to Melinda and ask her if the little dude can stay with her while we go for this assessment. She said that it would be no problem. That's such a relief because the little dude loves going there and playing with her boys! So at least I can concentrate on the task of the day and I wont need to worry about my two being bored and fighting at the clinic we're going to!

I'm wondering what Susie is thinking about the phone call we got. We were visiting her this morning when the High School phones Mark's mobile. She's a member from church and she's broken and dislocated her ankle. Mark and I were there helping a little with the cleaning, washing and the kids. Her little ones don't go back until Wednesday because they're at a private school. I was telling her about the assessment we have this week and she believes that we wont have any problems with the diagnosis of Aspergers. She said that the big fella has it to some degree along with the ADHD. I'm just hoping that he is given that label (not that I want him labelled or anything) but it will open up so many more doors for us with help from Autism Victoria. They have so many different programmes and aids that we can utilize if he is diagnosed. Oh well not long to go before we find out anyway.

Now to keep this child busy until the meeting tomorrow afternoon. I'm thinking gardening, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, dusting and general cleaning may keep him busy until we need to leave for the High School. If he doesn't like it that is TOO BAD because he isn't home to have fun!!