Normal Is Just A Cycle On A Washing Machine (Part 2)

If you would like to read part 1 please click HERE

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My Story (part 2)

Once Brodie got to High School that was a whole new ball game. By then Mark and I were now an item. Having Mark in the home made things better for me. I had someone else to help support me. Of course Brodie rebelled a bit. I think that knowing Mark since Brodie was 7 had helped a lot at this stage. He's grown up with him as a role model.

High School was hard. Even though I had told the school that Brodie had Aspergers and ADHD they didn't seen to understand. Some of the teachers made it a nightmare. Brodie was constantly getting suspended. Year 8 and 9 were the years from hell** as far as I was concerned. Brodie spent more time at home from being suspended than he did at school. One teacher in particular seemed to go out of his way to pick on Brodie. At least it felt like it at the time. It didn't help that some of the kids knew exactly what buttons to push with Brodie to get him started on some silly idea or to get him so annoyed he acted out. These kids didn't seem to get punished at all but Brodie did.

I was upset all the time and extremely stressed. I was so distressed one time while I was visiting the Primary school where Angus still went that the Principal asked if it was okay that he contacted Anglicare on my behalf. I thought it couldn't hurt. It was probably one of the best things we could have ever done. We had a fantastic case worker called Marg. Marg was part of Anglicare's Family Support program. She attended school meetings with me to make sure that I was heard. That Brodie was heard. Marg was our advocate. Anglicare even paid for Brodie to be 'officially' be tested and given a diagnosis of Aspergers. Our paediatricians word wasn't enough without the piece of paper to back it up.

Finally things started happening again. They were turning around and improving. That piece of paper opened new doors for us. New services were made available. We had help from a Travelling Teacher from Mansfield Autism Statewide Services. She observed classes in school and at home. She gave us suggestions that might help us out. Provided the school wanted to implement them. Anything to make life easier was good in my books.

We were in contact with GCAMHS (Gippsland Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) again and had a new case worker, Cate. She worked with Brodie and myself on a regular basis. School finally got funding for Brodie and in Year 9 he had is very own aide. I don't know if it was because of the aide, the fantastic special ed. teacher at his school or the fact that Brodie was now maturing. Maybe it was a combination of that and all the hard work we had done over the years that everything was slowly improving. Of course we had good and bad days but doesn't everyone?

During all of this horrible stuff that was happening at school I decided to take the boys back to Church. I hadn't been for years. Not since Brodie was a baby. I had tried going with the boys when we had first moved over to Victoria but it was hard. Angus refused to attend Primary classes on his own. Brodie was handful and I was constantly worried that he might misbehave. I wanted to attend so that I could make new friends but being stuck with the kids in their Sunday school classes defeated the purpose. So I gave up trying and stayed home.

Once Mark and I got together we both decided to go to back to Church. We went to the Moe ward. Where we were welcomed with open arms. I spoke with the Bishop and explained that Brodie had Aspergers and ADHD. It didn't matter. Brodie was accepted for who he was. They didn't care that he was different. The kids made friends with him. No one tried to change him. It was the first time in years that he was truly accepted. It was a relief to finally be able to go somewhere and not be judged. It felt wonderful. Brodie got to socialise. He was able to put into practise all of those skills we had worked on over the years. He was forging relationships with kids his own age. Something I never thought would happen.


After Brodie's diagnosis I cried a lot. I cried for what I thought Brodie had lost. I cried for the future that I dreamed of. I cried because he wasn't like other kids. I cried for that perfect baby that I had who was no somehow different. I grieved for what would never be.

As I now look back on things I see how much Brodie has changed. How much our family has grown because of his diagnosis. How much we have learned as a family. I see all of the things that Brodie has now achieved. I no longer see him as a person with Aspergers. Sometimes I even forget that he has it. To me he is outstanding. He has all these skills that others are jealous of. He can play guitar like a professional. He has computer skills that are amazing. I have come to realise that those dreams I had for him are still there. That he will be successful in what he wants to do with his life. That he has that family of his own that he dreams about. The dreams are still there they've just changed a little. It doesn't matter that he isn't normal. What is normal for you is not normal for me. After all that my family has been through I have learned that normal is just a cycle on a washing machine*.



* the quote is not one of my own. I read it many years ago while chatting with a friend online. It's something that has stuck in my head ever since.

** If you're interested in reading what my life was like when "the years from hell" were happening check my blog archive from 2006 - 2008. Please bear in mind that I was suffering badly from depression back then & some of my posts share my raw emotions. Back then my blog was private and only Mark, my girlfriend Traci or I read it.

Violent Outbursts

Temper tantrums seem to be a commonplace thing of late with Brodie. I'm a little frustrated here, well more tired and at my wits end if anything and struggling to get some form of 'normality' in the home. I know there is no such thing as normal but some peace in the family would be great.

Brodie is intimidating everyone in the family from his little brother, to me and now Mark too. I don't know what to do. He is becoming more aggressive, violent and he has a horrible case of potty mouth. The swearing that comes out of his mouth is shocking!! He towers over Angus and myself. He's an extremely solid kid too and has quite a bit of strength. Only last week he was pushing me about because he did not get his own way.

It probably doesn't help that Mark has Borderline Personality Disorder which, at times, can be a challenge in itself as they tend to clash a little more than they should but that isn't all that much of an issue really.

I've phoned our GCAMHS case manager yesterday and left a message. She doesn't work on Fridays so I wont hear from her until next week. I hope that she manages to phone early in the week.

We seem to be floundering at the moment and I want to be able to survive the weekend. We have tried everything we can think of from positive reinforcement of good behaviours, token rewards, removal of privileges, time out. I could go on but I think you get the idea and nothing seems to be working right now.

We're Home!

First of all I have to say Happy 80th Birthday to my Dad!! It's his birthday today. He's going out for dinner tonight with some of the family. I feel a bit bad that we didn't stay but the boys were misbehaving so much that I felt it was better for Dad's health that we went home early.

I'm so glad that we came home when we did. We've had so many problems with the car its just awful. I had organised to get an advance with my carers pension (it should be through tomorrow) but the way things are going with the car it looks like we will be using the money for repairs instead of the portable air-conditioner that we wanted to buy. I cannot believe the trouble we have had with the radiator and losing water. I am so thankful that we never cooked the motor. We were very blessed. We've also got an oil leak too. Mark doesn't know where the leak is coming from but that needs fixing too. I swear even with my old car the motor was fine it was just the body of it that was dying. For a fleeting moment I wish that we kept the car just for the engine and got a new body for it. Perhaps it might have been less of a hassle for us.

Since we've been home I just about pulled my hair out these past few days. The boys are constantly fighting, swearing, dobbing and hurting one another. I'm at my wits end. I am sick to death of Brodie's behaviour. His anger and aggression towards his brother is at the point where I can see Angus getting terribly hurt. I've phoned GCAMHS last Friday after the latest 'BIG' fight and am still waiting for his Case Manager to phone me back. If I don't hear from her tomorrow I'll phone them again. I really want Brodie to go do some Anger Management course or something because this is just getting way too dangerous for us to deal with.

Our Own Fly Buys System for Rewarding Good Behaviours

I forgot to mention the meeting I had last week with GCAMHS. We spoke at length on a variety of things including the different events that had happened to Brodie in his life from his Dad and I splitting to his Nanna passing away to our moving here to Victoria. We also spoke about the reward system that the boys and I have at home with the stamps stickers and how that was working to a point. Cate suggested another type ... I call it our own version of Fly Buys... Let me explain how it works:

The boys have a book each and the books look pretty much like a bank statement with the activity listed, a debit column, a credit column and a totals column. I write down the activity the amount of points it is worth and the running total of points acquired. I reward the boys with points for different things that they do from brushing their teeth, changing out of their school uniform, making lunch for school, checking the letter box, taking our rubbish, etc. Points on average that are awarded is 5 but the boys can earn bonuses. For example helping with the washing or shopping can earn 20 points, the same with cleaning their bedroom. We offered 20 bonus points each for cleaning the lounge room or a bonus of 25 each if they can do it without arguing.
The boys can exchange the points for various things like computer or play station time or even some money if that is what they would like. So far it is working an absolute treat and they are loving it. I told the boys that I will not deduct points for the first two weeks but after that I will start deducting points for things like swearing and maybe some other things which will be negotiated with later on as the need arises.

I am hoping this will continue to work. I let Br. Smith at Church know about our scheme and that we will probably provide them with slips to fill in to award points for positive behaviours that the boys (mostly Brodie though) display at Church. We also mentioned this at the meeting yesterday and that if the school wishes to award points that we would honour them at home too. Anything that works to encourage good behaviour and their responsibilities is a good thing. I guess it's just a wait and see thing to see if it continues to work.

This Past Week ..

Golly what a week this one has been. Where do I start .. at the end of last week I guess.

Friday~ Brodie was home as he was suspended from school Not bad for the first week back of Term 3. This time it was for being exited three times in a matter of two days. He had been throwing snowballs (not a big deal in itself - well not to me at least) but the teacher did ask him to not throw any and he refused to listen. That was one exit. He chose not to follow instructions and was rather loud and disturbing others. That was the second exit. The third one .. well I'm not too sure what happened there. I think he walked out of class without permission or something like that. So needless to say he was home from school and would not be going back until Tuesday.

Saturday~ Woohoo! IT was D DAY!! Well Harry Potter Day at least. The seventh and final book of the series was released and we went to the Warehouse to get our pre-ordered copy! We all went actually. It wasn't as smooth sailing as I would've liked either. The store computers were down. It seems that head office hadn't gotten their act together and switched them on. You'd think they would have had a back up system for when things like this happen.
We also went to foodbank, our usual Saturday excursion, we don't all normally go for that one. Sometimes it's Mark & our neighbour or its me and one of the boys.

Sunday~ I didn't feel up to going to Church so I stayed home. We didn't do all that much apart from watch movies, play games or read Harry Potter.

Monday~ Brodie was still home from school. We had to go to Frankston for our LDS Social Services appointment. That went reasonably well. Well I think it did. It certainly seemed more helpful than just visiting with GCAMHS. We got a phone number so that we can contact and Elder & Sister who have an adult son with Aspergers. They might be able to help us out with ideas and come and chat to the people in our ward who are associated with Brodie.

Tuesday~ Not a lot happened today apart from picking the boys up from school and going grocery shopping.

Wednesday~ Brodie had an appointment at GCAMHS after school. I'm not too sure what went on in there as I was waiting outside in the waiting area for him. I at least got to read an interesting article or two in a magazine. They need to get some new ones soon though as I have read nearly all of the ones they have there lol. Oh I got another phone call from the High School once I go home though. It seems that our big fella has taken to covering his head again and didn't have that great a day at school. I would've been nice to know this before we went to GCAMHS. Oh well. I also gave our old phone away on freecycle today & I got some genealogy magazines from freecycle too. Plus I just had to buy some new quilting magazines. They have some really neat projects in them.

Thursday~ I was very busy trying to sort out my Scratch That Darn Itch blog. I was labelling all of the posts and changing the page format around. Golly I did not realise that I was such a whinger on it in the earlier posts. Thank goodness I am not like that now. What a complaining bore!! My Visiting Teachers also came over tonight. I had completely forgotten that they were coming until they knocked on the door. Lucky us, Mark cooked a lovely vegetarian rice dish which I told him he could cook again as it was so yummy!!

What a week (so far)

What an interesting we I have had so far and it's only Wednesday. Well it's not that interesting really but it's been busy.

On Sunday the boys and I went to Church. Mark ended up staying home because his back is sore. Mind you it's no surprise that it is sore. The little dude plonked his butt on Mark's back when they were playing around in the bedroom on Friday night.
We didn't get to stay all day. During Sacrament the little dude complained of feeling hot. He was definitely hot and he was feeling awfully sweaty and clamy to touch. So we left as soon as Sacrament was over. By late afternoon he was feeling a lot better which I was really glad about. After all who wants to be sick during their school holidays??

Let's see on Monday ... the big fella and I went to his GCAMHS appointment. Golly he was such a rude prat! Not sitting still, not giving eye-contact and it certainly seemed like he was NOT listening much at all. I was so disappointed in his behaviour. In the end we (his case-manager & I) managed to get through to him and we made him repeat just about everything that we spoke of. At least that way we could tell if he was listening or not. We now have the big fella writing in a journal, where he can place anything he needs to about what has happened during the day. Whether it be something that someone said to him or something that happened. He then shows me at the end of the day and we talk about it. If I need to do any follow up stuff then I can do that before he goes to bed.
After our session with GCAMHS we went grocery shopping. What fun that was!! Grocery shoppping is such a chore sometimes but it has to be done!!

Yesterday we went shopping just for fun!! We had to go to Fountaingate so that I could put a checque into my bank account. It's the nearest place for us where I can do my banking. Not that it's at all very close to us it's at least a 40 minute drive down the freeway.
We went to Spotlight so that I could get some sewing supplies. I'm going to learn how to sew if it kills me. We got some material so that I can make some table cloths, napkins etc for Christmas. The material was so cheap ($1 a metre) we just had to get it.
We then went over to Fountaingate itself (across the road from Spotlight). We had lunch while there, well the boys and I did. Mark wasn't feeling the best. To be honest I had forgotten how Mark gets anxious when in crowded places. I felt awful. I did some of the stuff I had to do and we left as soon as we possibly could.
I found a springbased tin that I had been hunting for, I had to go to s specialty cooking shop to get it though. BigW didn't have it, which disappointed me because I LOVE shopping in BIGW. I had forgotten to get a few thinns in BIGW for when the boys go back to school. Nevermind we can always go to Mid Valley Shopping Centre instead. At least there wont be as many people there.

Another Phone Call

Sometimes I just don't know what to believe with the big fella. The HS has just phoned again stating that this time the big fella isn't feeling 100%. I got to talk to him to try and find out exactly where he wasnt feeling the best.. stomach, head etc but he didn't seem to be able to answer and stated that he just wanted to come home. I don't know if he is faking it or not. Just my luck he isn't and he is now staying at school for the moment. I did tell him that he has enough time off school as it is and to stay there.

Now I will probably worry about him until I either hear from the school again or he comes home on the bus. I did let the school know that I won't be home during their lunchtime because I have an appointment at GCAMHS. I also told them to phone me if things change for the worse. The school was lucky to get me at home this time because I was meant to go to the appointment at 11am and Cate phoned to reschedule because she had meetings all morning.

What a week!!

This past week has been great! Both boys have been at school ALL week. There have been NO phone calls from the High School. It has just been awesome. The big fella has even come home with rewards for doing the right thing which is fantastic!

This past week has been an interesting one too. Marg phoned to cancel our appointment which was okay because she wanted to stay in the office and do some work their for us like making phone calls for respite information and things. She managed to talk to someone from the Council and they came out on Wednesday to see us, big fella included, as she wanted to assess him. They've left some forms for me to fill in so that I can get the ball rolling.
On a sad note though, Marg will come and visit us for the last time this coming Wednesday. I think I should get a card to thank her for all of the help she has given us over the past few months. She has been a trouper and an angel!!! I'll miss not having her about.

This past Wednesday the big fella had another session with GCAMHS. I'm not too sure how that went as I allowed him to have some time alone with his case manager to talk things through and work together. He has another appointment on Tuesday this week so I hope that it all goes well again, This time there will be a student psychologist interviewing him. I have no problem with that as we all have to learn at some stage and if they meet someone as challenging as my big fella at an early stage of their career they will know what to expect later on down the road. No use letting them have it easy ALL the time!!

Surprise, surprise we haven't had too many screaming matches with the boys (usually it's with the big fella anyways). Knock on wood things will stay this way for a while to come yet. I don't want to jinx myself though.

Last night the big fella had a sleep over at a family from churches home. He was very well behaved. It is always a nice thing to hear! Too bad he didn't behave ALL day at church though. I just wish he would be good for one whole day! Just one day!! He must've been awfully tired. He fell asleep before 8 pm tonight! It wont hurt him though.

Babyish behaviour!!

I don't know if it had to do with the fact that he forgot to take his meds this morning or the fact that I was there with him during his session with GCAMHS today but the big fella acted so immature this morning during his session. I am just hoping it was because I was there. Not only did he fidget and not look at either Cate nor myself when we spoke to him he kept complaining that he was bored. Yet when we went to the supermarket shortly after his session he was like a totally different child! He did as he was asked and was no problem at all.

The big fella even managed 2 and a half hours of school work today once we got home. Mind you he had taken his medication by then! Although once he stopped at 2 pm there was no way in the world he was going to go back and work no matter how much I told him to do more. Sometimes I just cannot get over how defiant he can be.

With this suspension he needs to make up 40 hours of school work before he goes back next Monday. He has only manages around 6 and a half altogether. I tried so hard during the school holidays for him to do at least an hour a day but he wouldn't. There is only one way he will learn and that is to do it the hard way. I might even suggest to the school on Thursday when we have our meeting that the big fella should sit there in time-out until he finishes the required 40 hours.
I also need to tell them that I think it is totally unfair that the big fella is required to do certain English tasks that need to be done as a group activity. How on earth can he do that if he isn't there?? They really need to make sure that he has tasks that he can complete as an individual project not as a group. There are things he just cannot complete because he is unable to do them or has not been shown the skills by the teacher.
We really need to get him on an Individual Education Plan!!!!

A Testing Time!!

Today it was just the boys and I at church. Mark was really sore and didn't feel up to going. The little dude was in such a mood that he didn't want to go to his primary class but that was a too bad because I had no intention of leaving early I needed to stay. I needed to be with the sisters and to get that spiritual top up that I knew I needed.

I tell you I am not happy with the big fella though. He can be so reverent when passing out the sacrament that it's almost like he is a different child but afterwards during Sunday school it was another story. He was so loud, obnoxious and he was talking about things that were just NOT appropriate at church or anywhere else for that matter. One of the Bishopric left our Sunday school class and had to talk to him. He was right outside the chapel where my class is held. When class was over I quickly & quietly went and told him that he was awfully loud and that I did not appreciate being in my lesson only to hear his voice booming over the teachers. He apologised but he still wasn't as quiet as he could be.

Then tonight during scriptures he gets up from the table, said something to Mark. I can't even remember what he said to him either. But he said he was running away. I thought he was just after some attention because any attention is better than none at all right? I said to him come on lets just finish reading scriptures and we can talk afterwards. He went off to his room anyway and packed his backpack. I tried to explain to him that it isn't a good idea to leave especially since he needs to take his meds on a regular basis and that if he didn't he would end up having seizures. He went outside and since we only had a couple of verses left we completed reading the scriptures. However on his way out he said you may as well call the police. It was like he was daring me to phone them. By the time I got outside to check on the big fella he was gone!! I had a look down the street and didn't see him. I got in the car and checked a few places where I thought he might go. I came back and checked with a neighbour and they said they saw him walking towards the shops. I get back into the car and continue looking for him this time taking the little dude with me because it was dark and I can't see a thing when I am driving at night. Well I can but I can't see as well as I would like!! We couldn't find him!! I was beginning to wonder if I did the right thing in just looking for him and not contacting the police. The little dude and I came home and I was looking for the phone number for the police station when the big fella walked through the door like nothing had happened. He said you came looking for me but didn't see me. It was dark and there are plenty of shadows for him to hide in!

I honestly still don't know what to do with this boy!! He is sorely testing me and I am failing miserably where he is concerned! I have fasted and prayed and I still am not any closer in know what I can do to make sure he does the right thing.

We have an appointment with GCAMHS in the morning. It was meant to be just for the big fella but I need to tell Cate that the big fella has been suspended from school, she doesn't know about this suspension for pushing the teacher. And I will have to tell her about tonight's escapade.

I know that life isn't meant to be easy but I didn't think it was meant to be this difficult either. I know that Heavenly Father wouldn't make me endure something that I couldn't handle but I honestly don't know if I can cope much longer.

Sorry to drop this all onto you but I need to share. I also need to let you know that Lesley (RS President) spoke to the Bishop for me about getting a referral for a Church Psychologist. She said that the Bishop is working on it. I do hope that we are able to arrange a meeting with him or her soon.

Oh and to top it off I had to re-install windows it wouldn't start up for Mark while I was at church and he tried to repair it before I got home without success. But YAY it's working now I just have to put everything back on it. I am so glad that I backed up some stuff. Too bad I didn't back ALL

Is This A Big joke??

Sometimes I swear that the big fella thinks it's all a big joke to not be at school. He told me his aim was to be kicked out for the day. Little does he realise that what he does had ramifications for the WHOLE family!!

His little episode this morning means that I now have to find extra petrol to put into the car because it was a long trip I had NOT planned on. So I will have to use money that I put aside for the bushdance fundraiser that the little dudes school is holding on Saturday night. Now we wont have the money to get into the social event for the year. I don't know how disappointed the little dude is now that I have told him we wont be able to go.

I was meant to go to a meeting tonight but we wont have the petrol for that trip either. I've been umming and ahhing about whether we can go to Church this Sunday. I honestly don't know if we will have the fuel for that 80 km trip. It just breaks my heart that there are so many things we are meant to be doing that we just cannot afford to do right now. I thought that moving into this place was meant to help us out financially and get us back on our feet but it really isn't working out that way at the moment.

I was talking to the little dude yesterday explaining how difficult things are at the moment as far as the big fella and the High School. I didn't say too much because I didn't want to bog down his mind with details he just doesn't need to hear. I explained to him how when I was starting High School that Nanna and Poppa made the choice of sending me to a different school. I explained to him how I felt when they made that decision and how hurt I was when they did it. I also explained to him now that I am older I truly understand why they did what they did and that it was the best decision they could've made at the time in regards to my education. I was priming him up to face the possibility of him not going to the same High School as his brother. The little dude is a really smart boy. He understands how difficult it was with Buddy (my brother) and I when we were kids and how he was such a naughty boy at school. He sees the similarities between himself and his brother. So he told me that he understands that he may not be going to the same High School. I think at least this way if I can help him to understand now before we need to decide which High School he goes to (even though it is a couple of years away from now) that he wont feel as bad when we make our final decision.

I'm still at a loss as to what to do with the big fella. The High School phoned a short time ago saying he was allowed to come back tomorrow (how nice of them!!!) and that we will be having a meeting next Tuesday afternoon at 2 p.m. to discuss what we can do next to improve the situation at school. I've just left a message for Marg (Anglicare) to let her know about the meeting considering it was a time we had scheduled for us to have a meeting ~which of course wont happen now but I did extend the invitation to her so that if she wishes to attend the meeting at the High School she can.
I've only just realised that I need to phone GCAMHS and change that appointment it was meant to be for Mark and I alone next week but it turns out that the big fella has yet ANOTHER day off from school due to parent-teacher interviews. I don't get this how they can allow for days off just for interviews. Never in ALL my years of teaching did I ever have a student free day just to conduct interviews. The slackers! I just don't get it!!

Stop the world!! I want to get off!!!!!

A good day???

I woke up with the most awful headache this morning. I couldn't believe how much it hurt. In fact if I had been a 'drinker' I would've sworn I woke up with a hangover (not that I have EVER had one of those). My head was just pounding like mad. The boys arguing this morning didn't help, especially with that loud voice the big fella has!! I popped some codeine and by the time I took the boys to school my head was feeling a lot better. I'm thinking that the lack of sleep I had last night was a major factor in my headache. That will teach me to stay up and watch Stargate.

When I got home for the school run this morning I noticed that the big fella hadn't taken his meds again. The little rat bag that he is. So I rang the school and told them. They at least gave him one tablet shortly after I phoned. The bad news is though it was too little too late. About an hour after I phoned the school they phoned me back saying that the big fella was suspended for two days and that could I come and collect him. I swear I don't know what to do with him sometimes.
At least this time they have supplied me with a sheet to 'LOG' the hours that he works on his school work while at home. He needs to complete 12 hours which is the amount of time he would've been working at school if he had been there during the two days he is now suspended.
I mentioned to Graham, the Assistant Principal, that I have a booklet that I received from Asperger Syndrome Support Network and that I am going to photocopy it and bring it in for the school. I thought it would be very valuable for them to read through it to 'refresh' their memories about what Aspergers is like because I don't think that they really have a clue at times.

After I collected the big fella I needed to go to the optometrist to collect my glasses. I tell you what I cannot believe how much crisper things look when I am wearing my new glasses. The TV looks better. Seeing things half way across the room looks better. It's too bad that I can't see things up close properly when I am wearing them. Faces and writing look too blurry for me.

Mark and I also had an appointment with Cate at GCAMHS today. We had to take the big fella with us which kind of put a damper on things. Although I don't think the big fella minded because he had some time to talk with Cate. I don't know how helpful it was for her or not. Next time it should be just Mark & I talking with her. Hopefully it will be only the two of us. W will then be able to discuss some of the differences between ADHD and Aspergers so that we are able to identify some of the big fellas behaviours more easily. Sometimes its a little hard to work out if its an ADHD trait, Asperger trait or him just being an obnoxious teenager!

GCAMHS

Well the big fella had his first session with Cate from GCAMHS (www.health.vic.gov.au) this morning. I've got a bit of an information overload at the moment and I cannot think of all the things we've discussed.

I do recall talking about some of the things that the big fella does around the home and the school with his behaviour and actions, the way he talks and reacts to people, his lack of empathy and many other things. I know we talked about what Aspergers really involves and possible ways to make things easier for us at home.
One of the things we need to do is go over ALL the rules that we have at home and make them more specific and possibly the big fella's routine because it has changed slightly since we've moved house.
We'll need to get stuck into that tonight. Hmm perhaps that can be part of FHE tonight. A review of the jobs we ALL need to do in our new place and new rules to go along with our new home! Not a bad idea!!!

Our next appointment is next week on Wednesday.

My Poor Baby

The big fella didn't start the day too well. I woke up when I heard something tapping on the wall in the boys bedroom this morning at around 6:45 so I went to have a look to see what it was when I discovered the big fella having a seizure. All I could think to do was to wake Mark. He went in and stayed with the big fella until the seizure was over. My poor baby what a way to start the day. He is going to feel exhausted when he finally wakes up. Thank goodness he isn't going to school today because of that GCAMHS appointment or I would be worried that he would have a seizure at school.

I tried to go back to sleep for a little while but I gave it up as a bad joke. So I decided to get and check my emails and stuff. I've been thinking since the big fella had this seizure as to whether he has been taking his tegretol properly and I'm not too sure if he has. I'm going to phone his paediatrician this morning and mention that he's had another fit and let the Dr. decide whether we need to increase the dosage or not. I just hope that he doesn't follow the pattern of his previous seizures of having another one three hours after the first one.

That BIG Meeting at the High School

That big meeting at the High School Today .... First of all I got to meet the NEW principal. He seems very nice. Secondly I am NOT happy with GCAMHS. It seems that since they have found out that we are getting big fella privately assessed they are NOT willing to keep the appointment we made for next Tuesday. They want to see what happens at the assessment first. I can tell you I was NOT happy to find this out at the meeting today. They could've at least had the courtesy to have told me before hand and not in front of 6 other people!! How rude is that!!!!!
Oops I think I need to revise that. I just got a phone call from Kate from GCAMHS saying that it was okay to keep our appointment for next week but it wont be with Carolyn because she is at another meeting that day.

Okay now to the meeting. Let's see who did we have there ... Carolyn & Cate from GCAMHS, John the School Psychologist, Marg from Anglicare, both the Principal and Assistant Principal, the middle years coordinator and Mark & myself.
We now have an agreement that the big fella WILL be at school for 4 days a week with Wednesdays off. I think I can handle that! I know that my PURSE (and Lily~ my car) will be grateful for not having the extra travel and forking out for MORE petrol!!

There will be NEW rules for the big fella to follow. Well not new ones but they will be written more clearly. Especially since he sees things in Black & White if they are written specifically then he will have NO problems understanding them. Well maybe less of a problem I can't be to optimistic. I did explain that he does take things literally. For example if you say pull your socks up (which I've said to many a kid before) they understood that it meant they needed to toe the line and start to behave better but with the big fella he will listen to what was said and literally just pull his socks up.

So we all agreed that since we have the appointment on Thursday with the psychologist and the fact that the big fella will be having Wednesdays off & to give the school time to sort out the stuff that they need to do before he goes back. We will keep him home Friday as well so that he can have a fresh start with the new system in place on Monday. They will be emailling us with the new format before the end of the week so that we can go over it with the big fella before Monday morning.

With the new system however, it will be slightly different to what was in place earlier. This time he will have a daily sheet that needs to be signed by his teachers with a tick and cross for the work he has achieved in class and for his behaviour in the class. He will also be given a reward system for the ticks that he receives. The new Principal (whose name I cannot recall) is going to let the big fella know what his rewards are and he is willing to bring in some of his Star Trek videos for the big fella to watch as part of his reward. I know that he will love this because he just loves Star Trek, Stargate SG1 & SGA and Dr. Who.

I am so glad that Mark (I really appreciated his being there) and Marg were there to help talk things through. I don't know if I would've remembered as much as I did to share at the meeting. Thank goodness they could help out

One things I was a little disappointed with was the fact that I couldn't get a copy of the assessment that Chris (the special ed lady) did with the big fella early last term. She is on holidays until August! Not good enough!! She's had ample time to send me a copy of what she tested him for and not I don't have a copy to take to the psychologist. It really is NOT good enough!!! But I wont go on about it because there isn't anything I can do.

Oh well time to go help Mark with dinner ... ... ... oh well I'm a little late for that because he's already dont it all. I'm lucky tonight I don't have to cook!!

woohoo School's back tomorrow!!

Ok time for a quick post. First of all I survived the holidays! WOOHOO!! But now for the next bit ... school goes back tomorrow! I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

Well in some ways it's a good thing. The little dude is so looking forward to going back to school. I think maybe it's because he gets to play on the new adventure playground again. It certainly wont be because he's missed his friends!

I'm not looking forward to the possibility of all the travelling I need to do this week on behalf of the big fella. I certainly hope that the school will agree to him staying a full day at school. I will certainly be pulling my hair out if they say NO!! After all they really don't take into consideration that I don't really have the money to go up there everyday to collect him!
We do have that big meeting at the school on Tuesday afternoon. It should be interesting to say the least. We'll have so many adults there it will totally frazzle the big fella if they think he is going to attend it as well. They had better not expect him to attend.
Let's see who is meant to be there... Mark & I of course, Marge from Anglicare, Chris from Special Ed., John the School Psychologist, Carolyn from GCAMHS (Denise is no longer coming ~ thank goodness because she didn't seem very open to much on the phone), the Assistant Principal, the Principal and the Middle Years coordinator. I think that's about it and I certainly hope so because that is a lot people to talk about one boy! Oh and I think some guy from the Education Dept. who deals with Under 15 kids at risk of leaving school early.

Oh well I'm off to watch a bit of tv before heading off to bed.

Holidays Are Almost Over

Okay I've made it to the last weekend of the school holidays. Surprisingly they haven't been as bad as they could've been. Usually by the end of the second week I am pulling my hair out wishing for the holidays to end and for the boys to go back to school.

Yesterday we went into town to see a movie, RV, only to find out that they had changed the times that the movie was on. So we went in again this afternoon to see it. It's not a bad movie. It wasn't as funny as I was hoping it would be but it was a good family movie. I know the boys laughed quite a bit so it must've been good.

I really don't have all that much to say at the moment. Other than we've finally got our first appointment for the big fella with GCAMHS. I'm not too sure what they've got in mind but they will need to assess the big fella before they start any kind of programme for him.
Did I mention that I also got an appointment for the big fella to be assessed by a psychologist for Aspergers? It better be worth it because its going to cost $520 for a little over 3 hours of the psychologists time. I'm thinking what happens if he doesn't have Aspergers Syndrome? I know in my mind he fits the criteria because he has several of the characteristics consistent with people with AS. I suppose it doesn't really matter if he doesn't but if he does there are many more avenues opened up for us. We'll just have to wait until next Thursday to find out.

Our week so far

Monday ... Yet another meeting at the High School. I am getting so tired of these. Sometimes I feel that I am talking to a brick wall and we are getting nowhere. It's almost like the school is beginning to be on the defensive and the big fella just switches off. Thank goodness Marg was there to help me out. She's the lady from Anglicare that is helping us out. It was so good to balance out the numbers.

The big fellas science teacher came in to talk with us about what happened the previous week in the classroom which caused yet another suspension from school.(That's a total of 22 school days suspended!!!) Anyway back to the teacher. I was informed of what happened and how he had threatened to throw a chair (but didn't which I am grateful for). Then I was told that the big fella had threatened to harm himself. OMGosh I was so shocked and ANGRY to only just hear about this from the science teacher. I had NO idea that the big fella had felt that way. I am totally disgusted that the school did NOT inform me of this when I was phoned to come and collect him the week before when he got suspended. I told the School Counsellor when I saw him on Tuesday of these events and I am hoping that he will talk to the Principals and Assistant Principal on my behalf.

I was and still am very annoyed as to the fact that they NEVER told me!!! I mean for goodness sake the big fella is showing classic signs of depression and for him to say that in front of a classroom full of kids is really something. He may have been grandstanding but that isn't the point either. They should've told me so that I can check things out further!!! After we have a family history of depression and with all the meds the big fella is on we really need to know what is going on in his head!!!

We had the missionaries over for an early dinner on Tuesday night because the big fella had a young men's activity at the chapel which Mark is taking him to. So I was like a headless chook running about trying to get dinner ready for 5:30 rather than our usual 6 PM since Mark & the big fella needed to leave around 6:20. He really needs to go to these events and activities because he just needs to be around the right kids.
At least the little dude and I can have some special time together tonight. Although I'm not sure what we will do. The little dude wanted to learn how to crochet so I had better find another crochet hook so he can learn.
Dinner went really well with the missionaries. They stayed for a while after Mark & the big fella left. They were playing the guitar, singing songs from the primary CD one of the primary teachers made so we could learn the songs, doing magic tricks and making origami animals! I think the missionaries and the little dude had a great time. I know I did .. I had fun watching. The little dude and I ended up having a great evening. He did learn to crochet but I think he still needs loads of help.

Wednesday ... let's see nothing much happened here really. Well apart from the fact that I got another phone call from the High School. This time to arrange another appointment/meeting but with the Special Ed lady, Chris, who tested the big fella earlier this term. Finally I get to hear the results. Oh and this lady is the same one who said that the big fella did NOT have Asperger Syndrome when she first met him about 3 years ago. Anyway I told the school that I couldn't go up there early in the morning. I use enough petrol travelling back and forth to the school and that it would create another 50 km drive for me that I am not prepared to make. They gave me Chris's phone number so I tried contacting her but she left the office for the day. But John was there, the Counsellor/Guidance Officer, and he said he would talk with Chris.
I swear they do NOT realise what hardship we go through with the big fella and ALL this extra travelling we do. We've used more than half of our weekly budget just on petrol this week and I don't know how much more of this I can take!
Marg phoned me on Wednesday as well. She was checking out a few things for me. Like how we go about getting the big fella officially tested for Aspergers because Denise from GCAMHS isn't convinced that he has is. How the heck she can decide that is beyond me because she hasn't even met him yet!!! Anyway there is a 15 month waiting list for him to be tested at the Children's hospital. Way too long if you ask me. There is a 12 month wait through GCAMHS which is still fat too long. So the only other option is to have him tested privately. Autism Victoria have a couple o f good psychologists that they use to test children but they are expensive. Marg told me it would cost anywhere between $600 & $800. I almost cried. How on earth are we meant to come up with that kind of money when we live from week to week and can't even afford something as simple as a haircut for me?? I was all set to throw this into the too hard basket but Marg said don't give up. Let's see what can happen!
Oops almost forgot. Denise mentioned that we should have some Education Department bloke rock up to our July 4th meeting at the High School. He's something to do with kids under 15 who are at risk of leaving school early. Which is highly likely for the big fella considering how they've been treating him!! What kid would want to stay at school when they know that the school cannot handle them and palm them off as soon as they get the chance! Anyway Marg said that I should inform the school that this Ed. Dept. person may be coming to the meeting and see what they say! I forgot to mention this to the school perhaps I had better do that today!!

Thursday .. I went to see my GP yesterday so that I could get some more medication for my skin and some anti-inflammatory meds for my arm. I don't know if I mentioned that he diagnosed carpal tunnel. Anyway he gave me some samples a few weeks ago and they have worked wonders and he said to come back and get a script if they were helpful ... so I did.
Not a lot really happened yesterday. At least not compared to the previous days.

Did I do something wrong?

I don't know what it is or why he does it .. in fact he can't even tell me why he does it but he's done it again!! The big fella is suspended from school .. this time for 3 days.

I've felt absolutely miserable since he got home. Prone to crying at the drop of a hat .. it doesn't take much at the moment to get me going. It's almost like I am being punished for something I have done. I don't know what to do any more. I've got the ball rolling for GCAMHS and I have to wait to hear from them. I've got Anglicare organised but I have to wait for them. I just really have no clue as to what to do.

Mark says that we need to take a different tack with the big fella, that perhaps we are being to harsh on him. I don't want to make excuses for the big fella. He's been able to do the right thing before. He was at school ALL week last week. Well until 1 p.m. when we had to pick him up anyway. I thought that things were going well... what happened???!!!???