Here's Why You Should Carry A Camera ... part 3

Here's the rest of the photos that my friend Julz sent. How cute are these?

Here's Why You Should Carry A Camera ... part 2

Some more cute animal moments :)

Here's Why You Should Carry A Camera ... part 1

I received some of the cutest photos of animals I have ever seen in an email from my friend Julz.  I just had to share them with you. Since there are so many photos I thought I would spread it over a couple of posts.

Just For Fun - Two Brooms

I got this joke in an email from my friend, Julz. I just had to share it with you.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well. They decided to get married.

One broom was, of course the bride broom, the other was the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress.

The groom was very handsome and suave in his tuxedo.

The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom, "I think I am going to have a little broom!"

"Impossible!" said the groom broom . "We haven't even swept together."

Hooks & Humour

Many thanks to Yvette from the knit4charities group who shared this funny email with the group. It's too good to keep it all to myself :D


Hooks & Humor: Funny Crochet Definitions

Do those crochet terms and abbreviations have you stumped? Read on…

Pattern: A set of written instructions that may or may not result in creating the object in the picture. Most patterns include a list of supplies, but this is for your amusement only. After all, Amazonian Rhesus yarn in smoky turquoise does not exist, and cannot be obtained. Patterns also have fun-to-do math problems, such as 1 dc in next 7 dc (34 dc made)…?!

Yo: Yarn Over, meaning you need to wrap your yarn over your hook. Of course, this assumes the yarn doesn't split, fray or tangle. If this happens, yo then stands for, "Yell Outrageously."

Dtrtrc: Double-treble-treble-crochet. This is a stitch where you yo four zillion times, insert hook in stitch and pull through the next two loops, repeating until all loops are off the hook, or until the end of time, whichever comes first.

Reverse sc: This stitch is the lefty's revenge on all of us righties—for once we have to work backwards, too!

Catalog: A dangerous device that hypnotizes crocheters. It lulls them into a catatonic state, causing them to spend the family's grocery money on patterns and yarn. It may also be an evil plot to cause the downfall of the American economy.

Hook: A device permanently attached to a crocheter's hand. It is also connected to her blood supply, and if for some reason it becomes dislodged from her hand, she breaks into a sweat and starts to feel faint. If the hook cannot be immediately replaced, the only valid substitute is a catalog (see above).

Yarn: The only reason sheep farms still exist! It's also what crocheters buy when they have money; if there's any cash left over, they buy food and clothes.

Doily: This seemingly innocent item looks like a table protector, but if someone actually tries to put a wet glass or an ashtray on it, the creator will instantly turn into a snarling Doberman. Use doilies at your own peril.

Cat: A non-mechanical device used for unraveling afghans, unwinding skeins and keeping one's lap warm. A cat requires daily maintenance in the form of light stroking.

Dog: Another non-mechanical device that is used for chasing down balls of yarn and putting tooth-mark engravings in wooden hooks. It's a high-maintenance item that does not store easily.

Baby: A valid excuse to crochet something.

Housework: An ancient rite that was performed by some B.C. women (Before Crochet). Historians believe it may have had something to do with a device called a "vacuum cleaner," which was kept in closets now occupied by yarn.

Just For Fun - Petrol Humour

Graphic heavy post .... I received these in an email from my friend Julz. Considering the price of fuel these days they were too funny not to share! Some are oldies but still good for a laugh.

Puns For Educated Minds

I received these in an email from my friend Julz and I had to share them. Just be warned they are NOT politically correct but they are funny.

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Just For Laughs

This picture arrived in my inbox via one of the ladies from the Knit4Charities group. I just had to share it.

I'm not sure I would be as brave as this lady in this comic standing there while there was a burglar in her home but I would try and save my stash :) I've invested a lot of time in collecting that yarn!

The Month After Christmas!

I got this poem from one of my email groups this morning. I just had to share it :)

The Month After Christmas 'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste All the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber). I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared; The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared, The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please." As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt And prepared once again to do battle with dirt-- I said to myself, as I only can "You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!" So, away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip Every last bit of food that I like must be banished 'Till all the additional ounces have vanished. I won't have a cookie, not even a lick. I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick. I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore--- But isn't that what January is for? Unable to giggle, no longer a riot. Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

Technology At Its Best!

I got this in an email from my dear friend April & I just had to share it :)

Pen Pals

I had a couple of pen pals when I was growing up. Sadly I am no longer in contact with them but it really was great getting to know someone who lived on the other side of the planet. It made the world seem like a smaller place.

When I was in primary school my pen pal was from New England and her name was Diane. I don't remember an awful lot about her which is sad but I do remember that I loved writing to her. I'm not totally sure how we became pen friends but I have a feeling it was something to do with Possum Pages, a kids section in the Sunday paper. We lost contact after she moved house. I still think its pretty cool that I remember her considering my memory isn't always at its best.

My other pen pal was a Civil Engineer from Poland. I was in college when I began corresponding with her. For the life of me I cannot recall her name :( Sorry. Just call me an airhead! Although a few months ago while I was tidying up I did find the pretty purple folder where I kept her letters and postcards that she had sent. I put the folder in a safe place. So safe that I can't find it again. Remind me to tell you about my teaching diploma and how safe that is!

Anyway, I remember it became an important thing between us, this postcard swapping. Each new place we went to we would grab a postcard or two to sent to one another. I kept a list of where I went (its in the folder) and I tried to make sure that there were some cute Australian animals on them. I'm not sure why we stopped writing to one another. Perhaps it was because we moved. Who knows.

These days having a pen pal is so much easier, at least it seems that way to me. Especially with computers so readily available & being able to send an email or two is a lot faster and instantly gratifying. But there is nothing like getting a letter or a parcel delivered to your door. I can certainly uplift your whole day!

Did you have a pen pal when you were growing up? Do you have one now? I would love to hear about them.

Eleven People On A Rope

I know its another joke. This one is from Julz as well but I just had to share it :)

Eleven people were hanging on a rope , under a helicopter. TEN men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all so they decided that one had to leave , because otherwise they were all going to fall.

They weren't able to choose that person until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope , because , as a woman , she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general , and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech , all the men started clapping ...

Husband Down

On the PA system: 'Clean up on aisle 25, we have a husband down.'

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.
The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $20 for 24 cans he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them', demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $40 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price.'

This was from an email sent to me by my friend Julz. Thanks for the laugh :)

Food For Thought .. .. ..

I received this in an email from my dear friend, April.

Food For Thought:

Let's put the seniors in jail have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc. and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell. They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, P.J.'s and legal aid would be free, on request.
Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard ,with gardens.
Each senior could have a P.C., a T.V. radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The "criminals" in the nursing homes would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.
lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week.
Live in a tiny room and pay $5000.00 per month and have no hope of ever getting out.

Now that's Justice for all.

3's About Me

3s about me came in an email from my friend Julz. I just thought I would share it

Three jobs I have had in my life: Teacher, Taxi Driver, Potato Picker

Three places I have lived: Elizabeth, Whyalla, Darwin

Three places I have been: Yuma AZ, Lake Cowichan BC, Victoria BC

Three people who e-mail me regularly: Julz, One of Brodie's Teachers & Angus's School

Three favourite foods: Chocolate, Cheesecake, Corn

Three Places I'd rather Be: Hawaii, Gippsland (oops I'm there already) & Oklahoma!

What Happened In My Birth Year?

I was sent this from a friend in an email this morning.

What happened in my birth year?

It really is different to other sites that list what songs, movies, etc that were popular. If you get time check it out.

iStuff

Got this joke in an email today & just had to share it.

Got my son an iPhone for his birthday. Earlier this year I bought my daughter an iPod for hers. I was dead chuffed when the family bought me an iPad for Father's day..

I bought my wife an iRon for her birthday. It was around then that the fight started ...

Joke

A joke I received in an email .. I can make fun about Elizabeth because that's where I was born & its where I grew up! And I don't miss that place one bit!

HURRICANE APPEAL

A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and an earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Elizabeth West in the early hours of Thursday

05 August 2010 - with its epicentre in Johnstone Street, Elizabeth .

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately $30.00 worth of damage.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their centrelink cheques arrived.

The Rescue Leader reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in the northern suburbs .

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 3 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Kev and Jason slept through it all."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.

The Australian Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of UDL's to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including Health Care Cards, jewellery from Kleins and Bone China from Big W.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include: baseball caps, tracksuits, singlets (blue & white), white sport socks, Reebok boots. Any other items usually sold in Priceline or The Reject Shop. Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs urgently needed include:

Microwave meals, baked beans, Ice cream, Chips, Fizzy drinks.

Donations:

$15.00 will be taken to buy a packet of winny blue 25s and a lighter to calm the nerves of those worst affected.

**Breaking news**

Neighbouring Salisbury Uniting Church has cancelled their local "Nativity Display" due to their inability to find three wise men or a virgin.

Please don't forward this to anyone living in Elizabeth or Salisbury!

.... Oh, stuff it, they won't be able to read it, anyway!

Faaackinell haha

Tink, Tink, Tink!

I just love the poems that are shared in the knit4charities group that I belong to. Here's one that was sent in today. Thanks Lisa for sending it in.
If you are handy with a hook, knitting needles or even a sewing machine & would like to donate some things for the needy please join the K4C yahoo group. This group is based in Australia but we do have some overseas members who love to donate in their local area. Plus the members are super-friendly & very helpful.

Tink, Tink, Tink!

Very carefully, stitch by stitch

I'm tinking and I'm tinking

Yes thats knitting backwards

I guess I wasn't thinking.

I could have frogged, thats ripped it,

Off needles and just pull.

Then sit for ages patiently,

Rewinding all that wool.

Those fancy yarns are fanciful

And all the rage you know.

But the stitches are so hard to see,

So one by one, back I go.

I finally get to the trouble spot

Relieved I've reached the place.

Now start again, I must slow down,

Its knitting.... not a race.

UFO's

Last one (for now at least)

UFO's
I have so many UFO's,

Projects on the go.

I'd have to live one hundred years

To see them through you know.

I have them all in little bags

In the lounge room, in the car,

In the computer room, under the bed

You don't have to look too far.

I see a new pattern that I like.

And have to start it straight away.

I get out needles, look for wool.

Nothing stands in my way.

Some are just experiments

Some are for charity,

Some projects are just for fun

And some are for family.

All I know- I'm never bored

In fact, what I am stating.

Is that I have so many projects

That I'm hyperventilating.

Will I ever finish them?

If there is infinity.

Yes I'm sure one day I will.

Somewhere in that vicinity.