Normal Is Just A Cycle On A Washing Machine (Part 2)

If you would like to read part 1 please click HERE

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My Story (part 2)

Once Brodie got to High School that was a whole new ball game. By then Mark and I were now an item. Having Mark in the home made things better for me. I had someone else to help support me. Of course Brodie rebelled a bit. I think that knowing Mark since Brodie was 7 had helped a lot at this stage. He's grown up with him as a role model.

High School was hard. Even though I had told the school that Brodie had Aspergers and ADHD they didn't seen to understand. Some of the teachers made it a nightmare. Brodie was constantly getting suspended. Year 8 and 9 were the years from hell** as far as I was concerned. Brodie spent more time at home from being suspended than he did at school. One teacher in particular seemed to go out of his way to pick on Brodie. At least it felt like it at the time. It didn't help that some of the kids knew exactly what buttons to push with Brodie to get him started on some silly idea or to get him so annoyed he acted out. These kids didn't seem to get punished at all but Brodie did.

I was upset all the time and extremely stressed. I was so distressed one time while I was visiting the Primary school where Angus still went that the Principal asked if it was okay that he contacted Anglicare on my behalf. I thought it couldn't hurt. It was probably one of the best things we could have ever done. We had a fantastic case worker called Marg. Marg was part of Anglicare's Family Support program. She attended school meetings with me to make sure that I was heard. That Brodie was heard. Marg was our advocate. Anglicare even paid for Brodie to be 'officially' be tested and given a diagnosis of Aspergers. Our paediatricians word wasn't enough without the piece of paper to back it up.

Finally things started happening again. They were turning around and improving. That piece of paper opened new doors for us. New services were made available. We had help from a Travelling Teacher from Mansfield Autism Statewide Services. She observed classes in school and at home. She gave us suggestions that might help us out. Provided the school wanted to implement them. Anything to make life easier was good in my books.

We were in contact with GCAMHS (Gippsland Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) again and had a new case worker, Cate. She worked with Brodie and myself on a regular basis. School finally got funding for Brodie and in Year 9 he had is very own aide. I don't know if it was because of the aide, the fantastic special ed. teacher at his school or the fact that Brodie was now maturing. Maybe it was a combination of that and all the hard work we had done over the years that everything was slowly improving. Of course we had good and bad days but doesn't everyone?

During all of this horrible stuff that was happening at school I decided to take the boys back to Church. I hadn't been for years. Not since Brodie was a baby. I had tried going with the boys when we had first moved over to Victoria but it was hard. Angus refused to attend Primary classes on his own. Brodie was handful and I was constantly worried that he might misbehave. I wanted to attend so that I could make new friends but being stuck with the kids in their Sunday school classes defeated the purpose. So I gave up trying and stayed home.

Once Mark and I got together we both decided to go to back to Church. We went to the Moe ward. Where we were welcomed with open arms. I spoke with the Bishop and explained that Brodie had Aspergers and ADHD. It didn't matter. Brodie was accepted for who he was. They didn't care that he was different. The kids made friends with him. No one tried to change him. It was the first time in years that he was truly accepted. It was a relief to finally be able to go somewhere and not be judged. It felt wonderful. Brodie got to socialise. He was able to put into practise all of those skills we had worked on over the years. He was forging relationships with kids his own age. Something I never thought would happen.


After Brodie's diagnosis I cried a lot. I cried for what I thought Brodie had lost. I cried for the future that I dreamed of. I cried because he wasn't like other kids. I cried for that perfect baby that I had who was no somehow different. I grieved for what would never be.

As I now look back on things I see how much Brodie has changed. How much our family has grown because of his diagnosis. How much we have learned as a family. I see all of the things that Brodie has now achieved. I no longer see him as a person with Aspergers. Sometimes I even forget that he has it. To me he is outstanding. He has all these skills that others are jealous of. He can play guitar like a professional. He has computer skills that are amazing. I have come to realise that those dreams I had for him are still there. That he will be successful in what he wants to do with his life. That he has that family of his own that he dreams about. The dreams are still there they've just changed a little. It doesn't matter that he isn't normal. What is normal for you is not normal for me. After all that my family has been through I have learned that normal is just a cycle on a washing machine*.



* the quote is not one of my own. I read it many years ago while chatting with a friend online. It's something that has stuck in my head ever since.

** If you're interested in reading what my life was like when "the years from hell" were happening check my blog archive from 2006 - 2008. Please bear in mind that I was suffering badly from depression back then & some of my posts share my raw emotions. Back then my blog was private and only Mark, my girlfriend Traci or I read it.

Camp

Brodie went on a Youth Insearch Camp last weekend. I can't remember who exactly put me on to it. I think it was Anglicare because they were kind enough to pay for it. It was a welcome respite for the rest of the family. It helped that Brodie liked it though.

Basically the camp is a peer to peer programme which can help kids through all sorts of issues that they may have. Check out their site if you get the chance - they explain it better than I ever could.

They have follow up sessions afterwards for a few weeks so that they can talk things through and stuff. The first one is tomorrow afternoon. There is only one thing... I have to drive 40 km for him to attend the session. Lucky me!! We'll probably be late since we have so far to travel and we need to be there for 4:15. At least I know where to go now as we checked out the location last night before I took the boys to Young Men's and Young Achievers.

Knitting Donation

Gosh its been a while since I put anything here. I really should post on a regular basis. Angus and I took our collection of knitting and crochet to a friend from Church's house. They work for Anglicare and they were going to take it to work so that they can hand them out to their clients. I know that they will go to good homes.

Our final count for what we handed over on Monday was ~~
39 beanies both knitted and crocheted in adult and children's sizes
3 crochet baby blankets
2 lapghans

I think we did well with out collection. I've already started making some more beanies but I think I will keep one for me. I love the fluffy look that I have put on the bottom. Its so soft. I'm currently using moda vera (I think) it's one I got from Spotlight ~ ultra soft and it's very pretty, variegated, blue and purple.

Knit 4 Charities is the name of the yahoo group that I belong to that got me interested in knitting for others.

A Phone Call From The High School

I got yet another phone call from the High School last week on Friday afternoon. It was from Graham the Assistant Principal. He was telling me how the school (more than likely it was just Graham's idea) would like the Big Fella to go to Blackwood annex next year. I remember K's son "T" (K is a former friend & I wont mention her real name) going to the annex a couple of years ago. I remember it was a school where the kids were responsible for their own learning and that they were ALLOWED to smoke at school!!!! "T" came back worse than when he went there!!!

Anyway Graham was telling me how it would be a good thing for the Big Fella. I also remember talking with Marg (Anglicare) before she finished working with us. Her partner works at that annex and she was telling me that the environment at that 'school' is not a good one for our boy.

I spoke with Ian (the principal at the primary school) about it last week when I went to do the newsletter and he said that if Marg thinks that it isn't good then don't let him go!

So I called the school yesterday afternoon to speak with Graham telling him of the decision Mark and I had made. In fact it wasn't all that hard to say NO to the prospect of him going to Blackwood. I think it sent Graham for a spin. I told him my reasons why I don't the Big Fella to go there. The Big Fella is at that age where he desperately wants to fit in with the crowd and he would do just about anything to fit in .. Including taking up smoking! He was caught with a cigarette after all. I would love to believe him when he said he was just holding it but there is that little niggling bit of doubt there. I hate to think that way but its there none the less.

So on Thursday morning we have a meeting at the High School to work out where we go to from here for next year. I think this is where I take in the Individual Learning Goals sheet that I printed from the Victorian Education Departments web site and say that I would like EACH of his teachers for next year to write down exactly what is required and expected of the Big Fella. That I would like a copy of it for my records at home and that I would prefer that he do as much of this in the classroom with the other kids about rather than in the library where he doesn't always complete the work that is required of him. If I don't have the courage to say all of this I'm thinking I will ask Mark to!!

What a week!!

This past week has been great! Both boys have been at school ALL week. There have been NO phone calls from the High School. It has just been awesome. The big fella has even come home with rewards for doing the right thing which is fantastic!

This past week has been an interesting one too. Marg phoned to cancel our appointment which was okay because she wanted to stay in the office and do some work their for us like making phone calls for respite information and things. She managed to talk to someone from the Council and they came out on Wednesday to see us, big fella included, as she wanted to assess him. They've left some forms for me to fill in so that I can get the ball rolling.
On a sad note though, Marg will come and visit us for the last time this coming Wednesday. I think I should get a card to thank her for all of the help she has given us over the past few months. She has been a trouper and an angel!!! I'll miss not having her about.

This past Wednesday the big fella had another session with GCAMHS. I'm not too sure how that went as I allowed him to have some time alone with his case manager to talk things through and work together. He has another appointment on Tuesday this week so I hope that it all goes well again, This time there will be a student psychologist interviewing him. I have no problem with that as we all have to learn at some stage and if they meet someone as challenging as my big fella at an early stage of their career they will know what to expect later on down the road. No use letting them have it easy ALL the time!!

Surprise, surprise we haven't had too many screaming matches with the boys (usually it's with the big fella anyways). Knock on wood things will stay this way for a while to come yet. I don't want to jinx myself though.

Last night the big fella had a sleep over at a family from churches home. He was very well behaved. It is always a nice thing to hear! Too bad he didn't behave ALL day at church though. I just wish he would be good for one whole day! Just one day!! He must've been awfully tired. He fell asleep before 8 pm tonight! It wont hurt him though.

Is This A Big joke??

Sometimes I swear that the big fella thinks it's all a big joke to not be at school. He told me his aim was to be kicked out for the day. Little does he realise that what he does had ramifications for the WHOLE family!!

His little episode this morning means that I now have to find extra petrol to put into the car because it was a long trip I had NOT planned on. So I will have to use money that I put aside for the bushdance fundraiser that the little dudes school is holding on Saturday night. Now we wont have the money to get into the social event for the year. I don't know how disappointed the little dude is now that I have told him we wont be able to go.

I was meant to go to a meeting tonight but we wont have the petrol for that trip either. I've been umming and ahhing about whether we can go to Church this Sunday. I honestly don't know if we will have the fuel for that 80 km trip. It just breaks my heart that there are so many things we are meant to be doing that we just cannot afford to do right now. I thought that moving into this place was meant to help us out financially and get us back on our feet but it really isn't working out that way at the moment.

I was talking to the little dude yesterday explaining how difficult things are at the moment as far as the big fella and the High School. I didn't say too much because I didn't want to bog down his mind with details he just doesn't need to hear. I explained to him how when I was starting High School that Nanna and Poppa made the choice of sending me to a different school. I explained to him how I felt when they made that decision and how hurt I was when they did it. I also explained to him now that I am older I truly understand why they did what they did and that it was the best decision they could've made at the time in regards to my education. I was priming him up to face the possibility of him not going to the same High School as his brother. The little dude is a really smart boy. He understands how difficult it was with Buddy (my brother) and I when we were kids and how he was such a naughty boy at school. He sees the similarities between himself and his brother. So he told me that he understands that he may not be going to the same High School. I think at least this way if I can help him to understand now before we need to decide which High School he goes to (even though it is a couple of years away from now) that he wont feel as bad when we make our final decision.

I'm still at a loss as to what to do with the big fella. The High School phoned a short time ago saying he was allowed to come back tomorrow (how nice of them!!!) and that we will be having a meeting next Tuesday afternoon at 2 p.m. to discuss what we can do next to improve the situation at school. I've just left a message for Marg (Anglicare) to let her know about the meeting considering it was a time we had scheduled for us to have a meeting ~which of course wont happen now but I did extend the invitation to her so that if she wishes to attend the meeting at the High School she can.
I've only just realised that I need to phone GCAMHS and change that appointment it was meant to be for Mark and I alone next week but it turns out that the big fella has yet ANOTHER day off from school due to parent-teacher interviews. I don't get this how they can allow for days off just for interviews. Never in ALL my years of teaching did I ever have a student free day just to conduct interviews. The slackers! I just don't get it!!

Stop the world!! I want to get off!!!!!

That BIG Meeting at the High School

That big meeting at the High School Today .... First of all I got to meet the NEW principal. He seems very nice. Secondly I am NOT happy with GCAMHS. It seems that since they have found out that we are getting big fella privately assessed they are NOT willing to keep the appointment we made for next Tuesday. They want to see what happens at the assessment first. I can tell you I was NOT happy to find this out at the meeting today. They could've at least had the courtesy to have told me before hand and not in front of 6 other people!! How rude is that!!!!!
Oops I think I need to revise that. I just got a phone call from Kate from GCAMHS saying that it was okay to keep our appointment for next week but it wont be with Carolyn because she is at another meeting that day.

Okay now to the meeting. Let's see who did we have there ... Carolyn & Cate from GCAMHS, John the School Psychologist, Marg from Anglicare, both the Principal and Assistant Principal, the middle years coordinator and Mark & myself.
We now have an agreement that the big fella WILL be at school for 4 days a week with Wednesdays off. I think I can handle that! I know that my PURSE (and Lily~ my car) will be grateful for not having the extra travel and forking out for MORE petrol!!

There will be NEW rules for the big fella to follow. Well not new ones but they will be written more clearly. Especially since he sees things in Black & White if they are written specifically then he will have NO problems understanding them. Well maybe less of a problem I can't be to optimistic. I did explain that he does take things literally. For example if you say pull your socks up (which I've said to many a kid before) they understood that it meant they needed to toe the line and start to behave better but with the big fella he will listen to what was said and literally just pull his socks up.

So we all agreed that since we have the appointment on Thursday with the psychologist and the fact that the big fella will be having Wednesdays off & to give the school time to sort out the stuff that they need to do before he goes back. We will keep him home Friday as well so that he can have a fresh start with the new system in place on Monday. They will be emailling us with the new format before the end of the week so that we can go over it with the big fella before Monday morning.

With the new system however, it will be slightly different to what was in place earlier. This time he will have a daily sheet that needs to be signed by his teachers with a tick and cross for the work he has achieved in class and for his behaviour in the class. He will also be given a reward system for the ticks that he receives. The new Principal (whose name I cannot recall) is going to let the big fella know what his rewards are and he is willing to bring in some of his Star Trek videos for the big fella to watch as part of his reward. I know that he will love this because he just loves Star Trek, Stargate SG1 & SGA and Dr. Who.

I am so glad that Mark (I really appreciated his being there) and Marg were there to help talk things through. I don't know if I would've remembered as much as I did to share at the meeting. Thank goodness they could help out

One things I was a little disappointed with was the fact that I couldn't get a copy of the assessment that Chris (the special ed lady) did with the big fella early last term. She is on holidays until August! Not good enough!! She's had ample time to send me a copy of what she tested him for and not I don't have a copy to take to the psychologist. It really is NOT good enough!!! But I wont go on about it because there isn't anything I can do.

Oh well time to go help Mark with dinner ... ... ... oh well I'm a little late for that because he's already dont it all. I'm lucky tonight I don't have to cook!!

woohoo School's back tomorrow!!

Ok time for a quick post. First of all I survived the holidays! WOOHOO!! But now for the next bit ... school goes back tomorrow! I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

Well in some ways it's a good thing. The little dude is so looking forward to going back to school. I think maybe it's because he gets to play on the new adventure playground again. It certainly wont be because he's missed his friends!

I'm not looking forward to the possibility of all the travelling I need to do this week on behalf of the big fella. I certainly hope that the school will agree to him staying a full day at school. I will certainly be pulling my hair out if they say NO!! After all they really don't take into consideration that I don't really have the money to go up there everyday to collect him!
We do have that big meeting at the school on Tuesday afternoon. It should be interesting to say the least. We'll have so many adults there it will totally frazzle the big fella if they think he is going to attend it as well. They had better not expect him to attend.
Let's see who is meant to be there... Mark & I of course, Marge from Anglicare, Chris from Special Ed., John the School Psychologist, Carolyn from GCAMHS (Denise is no longer coming ~ thank goodness because she didn't seem very open to much on the phone), the Assistant Principal, the Principal and the Middle Years coordinator. I think that's about it and I certainly hope so because that is a lot people to talk about one boy! Oh and I think some guy from the Education Dept. who deals with Under 15 kids at risk of leaving school early.

Oh well I'm off to watch a bit of tv before heading off to bed.

Not Wanted?

I don't know it seems that I am not wanted today. The little dude didn't want to come into town with me this afternoon and do some grocery shopping. Okay I guess I could live with that. The big fella came instead and he spent his pocket money that he got yesterday.

So tonight when it came for Mark to take the big fella to a Young Men's activity you'd think the little dude would want to stay home with Mum and have some quiet time .. but NO! he decided that he wanted to go along with Mark and the big fella. So here I am all by myself thinking great I'm rejected!!!! Oh I know I should be enjoying the quiet time alone watching the programs I want on tv without interruption and knitting to my hearts content. Or perhaps enjoying some quiet time on the computer but nope I don't feel like doing these things at all. I've been rejected for the evening!
Let's hope that the little dude is bored to death and will want to stay home next week!!!

Before I forget Marg from Anglicare came this afternoon while I was out with Brodie. I didn't even click that she was coming today. I'm sorry I missed her but at least she got to have a talk with Mark and got to meet the little dude. She even left us four tickets so that we can go to the movies. We're not sure which one we will go to yet. The little dude wants to see Over the Hedge but the rest of us want to see RV. So we'll see what happenss.

Our week so far

Monday ... Yet another meeting at the High School. I am getting so tired of these. Sometimes I feel that I am talking to a brick wall and we are getting nowhere. It's almost like the school is beginning to be on the defensive and the big fella just switches off. Thank goodness Marg was there to help me out. She's the lady from Anglicare that is helping us out. It was so good to balance out the numbers.

The big fellas science teacher came in to talk with us about what happened the previous week in the classroom which caused yet another suspension from school.(That's a total of 22 school days suspended!!!) Anyway back to the teacher. I was informed of what happened and how he had threatened to throw a chair (but didn't which I am grateful for). Then I was told that the big fella had threatened to harm himself. OMGosh I was so shocked and ANGRY to only just hear about this from the science teacher. I had NO idea that the big fella had felt that way. I am totally disgusted that the school did NOT inform me of this when I was phoned to come and collect him the week before when he got suspended. I told the School Counsellor when I saw him on Tuesday of these events and I am hoping that he will talk to the Principals and Assistant Principal on my behalf.

I was and still am very annoyed as to the fact that they NEVER told me!!! I mean for goodness sake the big fella is showing classic signs of depression and for him to say that in front of a classroom full of kids is really something. He may have been grandstanding but that isn't the point either. They should've told me so that I can check things out further!!! After we have a family history of depression and with all the meds the big fella is on we really need to know what is going on in his head!!!

We had the missionaries over for an early dinner on Tuesday night because the big fella had a young men's activity at the chapel which Mark is taking him to. So I was like a headless chook running about trying to get dinner ready for 5:30 rather than our usual 6 PM since Mark & the big fella needed to leave around 6:20. He really needs to go to these events and activities because he just needs to be around the right kids.
At least the little dude and I can have some special time together tonight. Although I'm not sure what we will do. The little dude wanted to learn how to crochet so I had better find another crochet hook so he can learn.
Dinner went really well with the missionaries. They stayed for a while after Mark & the big fella left. They were playing the guitar, singing songs from the primary CD one of the primary teachers made so we could learn the songs, doing magic tricks and making origami animals! I think the missionaries and the little dude had a great time. I know I did .. I had fun watching. The little dude and I ended up having a great evening. He did learn to crochet but I think he still needs loads of help.

Wednesday ... let's see nothing much happened here really. Well apart from the fact that I got another phone call from the High School. This time to arrange another appointment/meeting but with the Special Ed lady, Chris, who tested the big fella earlier this term. Finally I get to hear the results. Oh and this lady is the same one who said that the big fella did NOT have Asperger Syndrome when she first met him about 3 years ago. Anyway I told the school that I couldn't go up there early in the morning. I use enough petrol travelling back and forth to the school and that it would create another 50 km drive for me that I am not prepared to make. They gave me Chris's phone number so I tried contacting her but she left the office for the day. But John was there, the Counsellor/Guidance Officer, and he said he would talk with Chris.
I swear they do NOT realise what hardship we go through with the big fella and ALL this extra travelling we do. We've used more than half of our weekly budget just on petrol this week and I don't know how much more of this I can take!
Marg phoned me on Wednesday as well. She was checking out a few things for me. Like how we go about getting the big fella officially tested for Aspergers because Denise from GCAMHS isn't convinced that he has is. How the heck she can decide that is beyond me because she hasn't even met him yet!!! Anyway there is a 15 month waiting list for him to be tested at the Children's hospital. Way too long if you ask me. There is a 12 month wait through GCAMHS which is still fat too long. So the only other option is to have him tested privately. Autism Victoria have a couple o f good psychologists that they use to test children but they are expensive. Marg told me it would cost anywhere between $600 & $800. I almost cried. How on earth are we meant to come up with that kind of money when we live from week to week and can't even afford something as simple as a haircut for me?? I was all set to throw this into the too hard basket but Marg said don't give up. Let's see what can happen!
Oops almost forgot. Denise mentioned that we should have some Education Department bloke rock up to our July 4th meeting at the High School. He's something to do with kids under 15 who are at risk of leaving school early. Which is highly likely for the big fella considering how they've been treating him!! What kid would want to stay at school when they know that the school cannot handle them and palm them off as soon as they get the chance! Anyway Marg said that I should inform the school that this Ed. Dept. person may be coming to the meeting and see what they say! I forgot to mention this to the school perhaps I had better do that today!!

Thursday .. I went to see my GP yesterday so that I could get some more medication for my skin and some anti-inflammatory meds for my arm. I don't know if I mentioned that he diagnosed carpal tunnel. Anyway he gave me some samples a few weeks ago and they have worked wonders and he said to come back and get a script if they were helpful ... so I did.
Not a lot really happened yesterday. At least not compared to the previous days.

Did I do something wrong?

I don't know what it is or why he does it .. in fact he can't even tell me why he does it but he's done it again!! The big fella is suspended from school .. this time for 3 days.

I've felt absolutely miserable since he got home. Prone to crying at the drop of a hat .. it doesn't take much at the moment to get me going. It's almost like I am being punished for something I have done. I don't know what to do any more. I've got the ball rolling for GCAMHS and I have to wait to hear from them. I've got Anglicare organised but I have to wait for them. I just really have no clue as to what to do.

Mark says that we need to take a different tack with the big fella, that perhaps we are being to harsh on him. I don't want to make excuses for the big fella. He's been able to do the right thing before. He was at school ALL week last week. Well until 1 p.m. when we had to pick him up anyway. I thought that things were going well... what happened???!!!???