Tuesday, July 28, 2015

I'm Not In A Good Head-space

Some of the beautiful flowers I spotted on our walk.

Angus and I went for a walk the other morning. I think we walked around 3 kms (1.86 miles). We were gone for about an hour or so. It was pretty darned cold that morning too but it was sunny so that helped. To be honest I don't mind walking in winter just as long as it isn't raining.

I have been trying to be more active lately, well since January any way. And I have been for the most part. There have been times when I feel completely lazy and don't want to do anything. I guess something has worked. I have lost a few kilos earlier in the piece and I have managed to keep them off. So that's a win, right? 

I am just in a bit of a funk right now though. With my stupid psoriasis and my diabetes plus my Church calling that I no longer want and this awful peri-menopause crap that I am dealing with things are getting me down a bit. I am tired of trying to do the right thing all the time. I don't want to have to put all these lotions and potions on my skin. I am sick of taking all these meds that have been prescribed. Honestly I take tablets up to seven times a day AND rub stuff on my skin at least twice a day. It is annoying trying to remember everything. I want to be naughty and do as I want for a change. Most of all I want to sleep. I want to sleep more than 6 hours a night and to not have any aches and pains.

I've told Mark that everything feels like it is becoming too difficult for me at the moment but he wants me to behave especially where my diabetes is concerned. He already lost someone he loved because she didn't do the right thing. Now I feel a guilty for even thinking this way. Stupid and selfish, that's me. I am tired of being the strong one or at least appearing to be.

I am not in a good head space right now. I need to do something that will make me feel good only thing is I am not completely sure what that is at the moment. Something to help me de-stress and not worry about everything that is going on at home. I tell you one thing though. Now that both of the boys are out doing their courses for a few days a week I am enjoying the quiet so that's something.

I saw a Diabetes Educator last week. She suggested that I stop being so hard on myself and that perhaps talking to a counsellor might help. So I did a self-referral at the Community Health Centre. Only problem is that it's a bloke that has booked me in for a chat. I don't know how helpful he will be. I'm pretty sure I would feel more comfortable talking with a woman. I'll see him and see how it goes but I will let him know that I would prefer to talk with a woman if I feel too uncomfortable talking to him. After all if I want to bitch about menopause stuff he wont be as understanding as I would want him to be, right? He just wont get it. Anyway I see him on Friday. I'll see how it goes after that.

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