Life Begins at 40

They say life begins at 40 and I am not convinced that it does. You see my Mum at the age of 63 said to me that life begins at 40 then she went on to say that she was still waiting.

Today is my 40th, the first and last time you will ever hear me say my real age! At least until I turn 50 rofl. Right up until 10 am no one had wished me a Happy Birthday not unless you count my wonderful email buddies like Moreen who sent me beautiful wishes & one of the craft forums I belong to. Then my oldest sister Vicki phoned to wish me a wonderful day. I just wanted to cry. In fact I still feel teary eyed. Stupid I know but when your own sons don't even wish you happy birthday you know something is wrong with the world!!

I could go on more about how sorry I feel for myself but I wont! Why should I give in to sadness when I could concentrate on something better.
So let's change the subject completely ... ... ... not a good thing but something I need to write down nonetheless.

Let's see .. last night was a shocking night. Well not completely but it was bad enough. One of the neighbours, a really nice girl, came over and asked if Brodie could come outside to talk. So I said yes. She has such a beautiful personality and is the kind of person you want Brodie to hang with. Any way he went outside and probably over to her place for a while so they could talk. That was all good.
Then about half an hour later I hear Mark's voice out the front & he was saying something to Brodie. Now I didn't hear exactly what he said but I went out to check, as I knew it probably wasn't a good thing. Before I got out the front door Mark was coming through the back gate saying how Brodie was throwing bottles on the road and that he had told him to basically shut the f**k up. Not the exact words but you get the idea. So I went out to see what was happening. Brodie was standing in the middle of the court and I asked him to pick up the broken glass to which he also said why don't you shut up. At least there was no swearing now but he was beginning to pick up the broken glass.

I am so tired of the way he speaks to people, of the way he treats us, of how he treats his little brother. Yesterday afternoon after the school run we nicked into Coles to grab a few things. While we were in there Brodie was harassing Angus. Just annoying him and I asked him to stop. He refused but the next thing I knew was he had is fists ready and he was going to hit ME! So in a louder than usual voice I said GO ON .. Be a HERO HIT your Mother! I told him to get out of the shop that I didn't want to see him in here. He left. Thank goodness!! I don't know what would've happened if he really did hit me.

I don't know what to do with him any more. I don't know if I can keep myself or Angus safe anymore. I am at a total loss. I just want things to get better or perhaps have things how it used to be when he was younger and more easily to work with.