Yesterday's Blues

What I day I had yesterday. It sure was one of those kinds where you wish you NEVER got out of bed!!! My day started okay though so I guess that was a small blessing. We had 8 children in Nursery this week. We've been used to having around 4 - 5 so having 8 was super busy! There were two escape artists in the group so we had to keep an extra close watch over them!! They were all still as cute as buttons though. One of the little girls was watching one of the boys he was so distressed because he Daddy left the room so she found his dummy and gave it to him! It was just too cute! The Bishop asked to see the big fella and I after the days meetings. I knew why he wanted to see him but I didn't tell him. I had been preparing him all week for the possibility of his missing out on the camp that the Young Men & Women were going on in January. The Bishop broke it very gently to the big fella explaining that it was for safety reasons that he was unable to go. I had told big fella during the week that it would be because of his lack of maturity and how he doesn't listen to the leaders plus the fact that the camp site is 6 hours from home and that if he stuffed up big time while he was there I don't think I would be really happy about driving that far to collect him!! It would also involve the whole family to come with me too because I wouldn't want to drive the 6 hours by myself! We also spoke about how he has been behaving at Church with the way he speaks to people. We tried to explain to him that he is a Child of God and he needs to treat the other people who are also God's children with respect. But he kept wanting to joke around. It really showed us that he is NOT ready for camp! However he needs to aim for a Young Men's came to be held later on or even aim higher for the next combined camp the following summer! Anyway the big fella was such a rat bag in the Bishops office. Turning around and saying I've heard enough I am leaving now!! He didn't though but it kind of started to set the tone for the rest of the day! When we got home Mark came out to meet us in the driveway (he didn't go to church). He had been cleaning up the boys room and had found a stash of things under bunk bed! Stuff from school like magazines from the library which had the bar codes ripped off, a hole punch (what on earth he needed that for I don't know as we own one!!), a couple of DVDs from the school library and a whole ream of white paper plus a few felt tip pens and Biro's. When we asked the big fella about it he got angry and shouted at both of us. It was his guilty way of attacking us I suppose you could say. He gets really defensive like that when he gets caught out. He was SO angry!! He told us he didn't steal anymore but when we said we would ask the school well he got even angrier!! We let him have a little bit of space and went to the lounge room. I thought he was okay but the little dude came running out saying the big fella says he is going to run away!! I tried to stop him but he took off anyway. I didn't know what to do! I didn't want him to think that I would run off after him every time he runs away. This was the fourth time he had done this already since we moved into town! It was like we were back in Adelaide all over again! He started running away from the age of 7!!!! Mark followed him in the car with the camera and told him that we needed a recent photo for the police in case he doesn't come home! But he went and hid behind some trees saying I'm not listening to you! I gave him a little bit of time, about 10 minutes) and went out in the car. I found him sitting by the police station just a few blocks from home. He refused to talk with me, wouldn't get into the car and when I got out of the car to talk with he he took off again! So I left him there. What else could I do?? So I came home. By now I was becoming more and more stressed and burst into tears. I didn't know what to do! So Mark ended up phoning the people associated with CAMHS. The said to phone the police. So Mark did. It was the last thing we wanted to do but we really had no choice. What if he big fella decided not to come home? He didn't have his medication with him! 24 hours off his tegretol would see him having seizures again. Mark explained the situation and the medical history too. The police said that they would get patrols to look for him.. Mark also phoned the Bishop, the RS president (he got her answering machine) and our Home Teacher. I couldn't even talk on the phone I had been crying so much. I hated feeling like I did, it was just awful! James our Home Teacher must've gotten through to Lesley the RD president and she said that Kym & Steve, a lovely married couple, who are our ward clerk & welfare coordinator were coming out to see me. Soon after these phone calls the big fella came home. He said that a police officer called Benny told him to go home and apologise. Which he did but he thinks that makes this okay. But it isn't okay not by a long shot! We phoned the police to say that an officer called Benny spoke to him and sent him home. By all accounts Benny lives next door to the police station the big fella was sitting at. Like I said he thought that everything was okay by now. He had apologised and thought that was over. Is it the Aspergers side of him that thinks this? I have no idea. At around 5 pm Kym and Steve arrive. I was so glad to see them but I felt sorry also just because they had made the trip out here. It's not a short drive from there place to ours. I did feel better that they had come though and talking things through with Kym helped. And with Steve also. He is a police officer too and was able to shed some light on some things for us. Both Kym and Steve said that it would be a good idea to see an LDS psychologist. The Bishop and I had spoken about it but things were better after we initially mentioned this and nothing ever came of it. I don't think that will be the case any more. Kym said she will talk with Lesley who will talk with the Bishop again and make sure that things start happening. Kym also asked if there was something they could so. I said that I need breaks from the big fella but I don't get them. That Mark and I haven't even been out on a date because we just can't leave the boys home. That I don't trust him to be with too many people because of the way he treats them. I got a blessing before Kym & Steve left. Steve asked me if I wanted one and I said no. He then asked why so I told him that I feel like I don't deserve them. To which he just said then that's when you need one the most!! So I didn't argue. I was so emotionally spent I didn't have the energy to disagree anymore. I still feel at a loss where the big fella is concerned. There I was thinking that things were improving but they weren't ... They were only simmering again before the next explosion! I AM at my wits end. All I could think of for part of the time the big fella was missing was that Dad arrives on Tuesday what is he going to think when he hears of this or what will he think if the big fella doesn't come home??!! I think I need to do a bit more fasting and praying about all of this. It sure wont hurt will it!