Moody Blues

The other day (or it could've been yesterday I can't remember) I was woken up at 3 a.m. by a possum pretending to be an elephant on the roof of the cabin. Being a metal cabin and having a possum run over the top of it makes it sound awfully loud.

I couldn't get back to sleep after that. I tried and I tried but nothing seemed to work. I eventually got up and sat at the computer thinking that perhaps creating something on PSP would be helpful so I made a new IM stat. It didn't really help and to be honest I didn't really like what I ended up making either. After about an hour I went back to bed to read for a bit to see if that helped me to become sleepy. No luck with that either. I gave that up as a bad joke.
I ended up just laying in bed staring at some pictures that I have on the chest of drawers next to my bed. I was staring at the picture of my parents. Mum looked really nice at age 16 and there was one of Dad in his army uniform at age 18.

Anyway you know what happens when you can't sleep. Your mind starts wandering and playing tricks on you. I got thinking about all sorts of things. Not necessarily all good either. I thought about my family back in Adelaide and how I don't hear from them unless they want something. (All except Dad that is). I got to thinking how I don't really have all that many friends here in Victoria. Not that this has bothered me much before but it seemed to in the early hours of the morning. Silly huh.

Somewhere during this time Mark had woken up, his room is next to mine and we have a sliding door in between the rooms so we can open it up and chat if we want to. Mark noticed something was up .. and it was. I just couldn't share what I needed or wanted to say. It's a problem I have always had and I need to break it as it's a bad habit to stay in. Mark seems to think that I should go and see my GP. Perhaps he is right and I need to. Maybe my meds need to be adjusted or something. Or just maybe its the fact that I've had a depo injection and it's screwing things up with my anti-depressants. Who knows?! Maybe this is just a cop-out and I am just thinking of different things to blame rather than face the possibility that something truly is wrong.

All I know is that the other day things seemed a little overwhelming and I wanted to cry. Nothing seemed to be able to cheer me up. Not even the thought of getting Lily. Even though she is a great looking car and is a huge step up from Tess. Mark, I'm sorry for not being able to share everything with you. I know I need to work on that. It's still a learning curve for me and I need to adjust to the fact that I am no longer alone in everything that I do.
I know I have a lot to work on!