Poem: I Don't Need A Special Day

♥ Some days are easier than others but I will always miss my Mum and Dad ♥

Dad's Farewell

We said farewell to Dad last Wednesday and celebrated his life.
We shared some wonderful stories, looked at some photographs and spent time with lots of cousins, aunties and uncle plus three of my siblings.

I believe that Dad (and Mum) would have been pleased with how everything turned out.

Uncle Bob looks just like Dad. Only shorter ♥

Lee-Anne & Uncle Bob

Lee-Anne & Allie

Melody & Lee-Anne

Allan, Vicki, Mark Jr, Allie & myself

I miss you Dad but I am glad you and Mum are together again ♥♥

♫♪♫ I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane ♪♫♪

Things have been a bit hectic here over the past week or so. Well, ever since Dad passed away really.  To be honest I just want someone to tell me this was all a mistake and that I don't need to go.
Brodie and I head off to Adelaide tomorrow for Dad's funeral. Mark  & Angus are staying home.

This will be a real bittersweet trip. It will be nice to catch up with some family members that I haven't seen in years but it's for such a sad reason. But we are there to celebrate Dad's life.

Hopefully I will get some lovely photos of everyone while Brodie and I are there.

Funeral Stuff - Feeling Blessed

Brodie and I have finalised our travel arrangements for our trip over to Adelaide for Dads funeral next week. We have been helped with accommodation, which is a big relief. My sister, Vicki, was unable to let us stay with her. She gave her only spare bed to our other sister who lived an hour or so drive away from her. A missionary couple in our ward are from Adelaide. They have asked on of their daughters to help us out. We will be able to stay with her for the three nights we will be in town.

Last night, was the first time in a week, I was finally able to sleep through the night without waking up and worrying about whether we would be able to find somewhere to stay or not.

We have been able to get great prices for our plane and train tickets. Prices that have enabled us to remain within our budget. Total cost for our fares was around $145 each. I know it wouldn't cost that much to drive over but at least now we don't have to worry about traffic and we can sit back and relax. Although it will be first time Brodie has been on a plane.. I don't know how much relaxing he will do.

A friend of ours from Church will be taking us to the airport on Tuesday. My sister should be picking us up but I am not 100% sure yet although when I spoke with her she wasn't feeling very confident about collecting us. She doesn't even want to park the car because she hates the idea of paying any parking fees. She said that we would need to meet her outside so that she can just drive through the pick up area. In some ways I can understand that but WOW, we are family after all and it has been years since we have seen each other. If the shoe was on the other foot I wouldn't hesitate to do this for her. I am guessing our priorities are very different from one another.

The lovely young family we are going to stay with will be taking us to the train station early Friday morning so that we can catch the train back. I was also told by their Mum, the missionary sister, that the son in law can pick us up from the airport. It would probably be best of he did. Less stress all around is the best thing, right?

All we need to do is sort out our meds, clothes and whatever else we need to take over there. Keeping in mind that we should travel light.

The main hurdles have been sorted which is great. Now to just get there and celebrate Dads life.

So Much For Families Sticking Together

I am having such a shit week. As I posted earlier my Dad passed away early Monday morning. We have finally found out when the funeral is. It's not for another couple of weeks but to when Dad's body can be released and the funeral home can collect him.

I asked one of my sisters if I was able to stay at her place. I got a resounding NO! My other sister, the one who actually lives an hour or so drive away from her, has been given her spare room. I asked if Brodie and I could sleep on the floor in her lounge room. I was also told NO to that request!! Hello .. I am travelling over 900 km to come to the funeral and this is what I have to face.

There are no other family members that I can stay with. I have been told that they don't have room either. So much for families sticking together. I am feeling so hurt by all of this.

Brodz and I have a flight over the day before the funeral and we have nowhere to stay. Our money is very tight at the moment due to my having to pay thousands of dollars to get my car repaired. All of this happened before Dad passed away. Had I known, but you never know when something like this would happen, I would have paid the mechanic off over a few weeks.

My sister in law lives on the other side of the country to us has offered to help us try and find someone to stay with. But honestly, who would want a couple of strangers stay with them for a few nights? I don't like my chances.
My Relief Society President is also trying to help. Friends and in-laws treat us better than family does.

I am going to talk with my Bishop from Church if I can get an appointment to see him & see what he may be able to help with.

For now I am hardly sleeping and I am up in the middle of the night unless I am totally exhausted and manage to sleep through. Can someone just wake me when May is over? .. if I manage to fall asleep that is..

RIP Dad

I haven't felt like doing any blog posts these past few days but I am feeling a bit more like myself today & I was trying to keep busy with other things. You see my Dad passed away early Monday morning at the amazing age of 90. Which is such a great innings!

I'm not sharing this because I want any sympathy, although I do appreciate your thoughts and kindness. This is more because I want you, if your Mum and Dad are still around, to make sure that you give them a hug and tell them as often as you can that you love them because you just never know when it will be the last time.

I am very grateful that I remember my last phone call with Dad and telling him that I loved him and he told me he loved me too. I would do almost anything to hear him tell the same stories just one more time. I know I never spoke to him on the phone as much as I would have liked. His dementia made that all change and it was very difficult to talk to him on the phone but I do have some wonderful memories to cherish.

Dad, Mum has been waiting almost 18 years for you to be together again. 

 ❤️ I will love and miss you both always ❤️

I Miss You Mum.

It's been 15 years since we lost you Mum. I think of you every day. There have been many times I wish that I could pick up the phone and have just one more chat with you. There is so much I want to share with you. I bet that you are probably rolling your eyes at the antics we get up to and the situations we find ourselves in. I miss you so much. ♥

Meet Me At The Rainbow Bridge Trip

On Thursday afternoon we had to put our beautiful black and white cat Trip to sleep.

Trip only had three legs. He was having a lot of mobility issues, he had arthritis and he also had trouble toileting to the point where he would go potty where he was lying. He was 14 years old. 

I feel like such an awful owner for having to do this. It's never easy to say goodbye to a furbaby. I am such a mean mummy cat. 

At least now, he is not in pain and he wont have problems running about.

Meet me at the Rainbow Bridge Trippy Cat. Keep Rory and Saqqara company.

I Will Miss You Auntie Jean

This photo was taken a few years ago

Last night I found out from my Dad that my Auntie Jean (89 yrs old, what a great innings!) had passed away last Thursday. She has been unwell for some time and she passed away peacefully with her baby sister, Auntie Barb, by her side. Her funeral is today and I am feeling awfully saddened by the fact that I am unable to go and say goodbye to her. 

I have so many fond memories of her, My Uncle Ernie and my cousins. I am extremely grateful that I was able to take the boys over to Adelaide last July and we were fortunate enough to see her and our cousin Peter.Dad is feeling pretty upset over losing his older sister. He has dementia and I guess he's a bit anxious and confused about it all. He did tell one of my sisters that he is the oldest now. I am hoping that things settle down for him.

RIP Auntie Jean. I will miss our chats on the phone but I will treasure the memories we have shared. xoxo 

Farewell Maitland

11 Mar 1975 - 26 Nov 2012

I wanted to do a fitting tribute to you Maity but I don't know where to start. It's hard to find the right words to express how I feel. 

You were a good friend. Someone who without even thinking about it would lend a hand at a moments notice. You were very good to us over the years helping us out, making us laugh and sharing some interesting tales. Because of your good character and generous spirit you were loved by many. 

We had such fun at Sassy Sigs creating graphics and animations. I will always remember your love of turkeys and how you would create funny animations using pictures of them. Some of them were outrageously funny. The boys and I even tried to find a toy turkey for you but we only managed to find a rubber chicken. You loved it anyway.

I know that over the past few months your quality of life was not the best. Your epilepsy played havoc with your daily activities but that never truly stopped you from having a go at things. We may never truly know what happened the day you ended up in intensive care but I do know you will never be in pain again and you're now in a better place. 

We will miss you Maitland. 

There's A New Angel In Heaven

Out of respect for my family I waited until this morning to post this.

I got such terrible news yesterday when we answered the phone. My beautiful great-great-niece, Eleanor Rose, had passed away. She was only 3 months old. Lee-Anne had gone to check on her yesterday morning and Ellie wouldn't wake up.

The ambulance was called as were the police. It's protocol apparently. Lee-Anne and her partner were interviewed by detectives. I guess they need to make sure that there was no foul play or anything. I'm not sure what happens now. An autopsy I guess.

My poor nieces and my sister, Vicki, are beside themselves. I just feel so bad for Lee-Anne. This is the second daughter she has lost. Aroarah died when she was in utero at around 20 weeks gestation.

I never would have though in a million years that our family would have a sudden infant death happen. I mean why would you think it? It just doesn't happen.

It is just so unfair. I think these girls have gone through enough already. I can only imagine how awful they are feeling right now. Please send some comforting thoughts and prayers their way. I know they need it.

Rest in Peace little angel.

Support Help for SIDS in Australia can be found at: Sids and Kids 

There's a New Angel in Heaven

I had one of those phone calls this morning that you hope you never wish to receive.

My sister, Vicki, phoned me. I could hear that something was wrong in her voice. I had a horrible feeling that it was something bad. For a moment I thought she was going to say that something happened to Dad. It wasn't about him. It was about my beautiful niece, Lee-Anne, Vicki's granddaughter. In between sobs I was told about my beautiful niece, who is 5 months pregnant, has lost her baby. Her little girl.

I feel so bad for Lee-Anne & her partner. For her Mum, Kylie, & my sister. I know how it feels to have lost a baby. It's heart breaking. You feel consumed with grief. But you have to go on. You have another child at home who needs you.

I wish I was there to help my sister & nieces but I am 800km (500miles) away. I am sure that the know I would be there if I could. So for now I will just send good thoughts, my love and prayers their way. There isn't anything else I can do.

Mourning A Friend

You know I thought things were going okay at home but I guess I was wrong. It must be those rose coloured glasses that I keep close by. The ones I wear when I want to see that silver lining in that horribly dark grey cloud! I don't know what made me think things were okay. They're not.

As you know our friend & neighbour Mick passed away three weeks ago. A shock to us all but not too much of a shock if you think about it. I mean really think about it. There were signs there all along if you only knew to look for them.

Anyway, Mark has lost his best friend. His partner in crime as it were. His 'project' partner the one whom he shared ideas with and they both created them. Each making their separate components or ones that they could work on together to complete it.

Mark isn't doing too well. He's not really let on how he's been feeling but I can clearly see it now. In his actions, in how he wants to be alone a lot. He's not doing much of anything that he used to do. I know he is mourning but I really wish there was something I could do to help.
Having Borderline Personality Disorder must be pretty hard for him right now. I would hate to guess what is going on with his thinking.

I just wish I could help. Somehow.

Topsy Turvy

My world is a little bit on the frazzled side at the moment. Kind of surreal but not. I've been umming and ahhing over what exactly to put in this post without sounding callous, self-centred or disrespectful so I thought I would just try writing from the heart. Its the only way I can think right now. So here goes ...

We lost our neighbour, Mick, yesterday. Marks best mate & for want of a better term partner in crime. We hadn't seen Mick since Sunday night some time after tea. He'd come over to talk with Mark while he was his shed. Sheds were where they loved to be, tinkering on one project or another & usually they were working on them together. Then he went home. I'm not sure if Mark went over there later or not but that really doesn't matter now.

As I mentioned we hadn't seen him since Sunday night which wasn't all that unusual in itself. You know a single man living alone sleeping odd hours. We thought he was awake while we slept and he slept while we were awake. He'd done that hundreds of times before. So it was unusual in itself. The only thing we did find strange was that his cat, CK, kept coming over to our house. Not that it was strange as he often came to socialise. Its what our cats do - the visit one another's homes every now & then. Sometimes even sharing a feed while they were there. It seemed that CK hadn't been inside his 'home' for a while. That's when Mark used the spare key that Mick had given him so that he could check on him if we hadn't seen him for a few days.

I guess I should explain why we had the key in the first place. Firstly it was so we could feed CK if Mick ever went away for the weekend or on holiday. The other reason was a few years ago Mick had had a stroke. A really, really bad one & he had to relearn just about everything. That happened about 12 months before we met him. Mark told me today that the doctors were really surprised that Mick made such a good recovery as they didn't expect him to walk or talk again. He certainly proved them wrong. Mick had asked Mark to check on him if we hadn't seen him for a while just in case he might have had another stroke. There had been a few times where Mark had check him and he'd been dead to the world fast asleep because he had been awake at odd hours. Only this time when Mark checked he wasn't asleep. Mark knew before he had even put the key in the door that Mick was gone.

Of course Mark was in shock & came back home to tell me to phone the ambulance. Which of course I did. There was nothing Mark could've done to help him. No one is exactly sure what happened at this stage but he died in his sleep. The way he wanted it. He used to joke with me about it saying that was how he wanted to go. I'm glad he got his wish.

So you can imagine how our house has been since yesterday afternoon. telling the boys was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I was so glad that I was there & that Mark told them straight up. I mean there really is no easy way to tell your kids that the neighbour they adored was gone.

Brodie has taken it the hardest. I knew he would. He loved Mick so much. He would run over there to share stuff with him all the time. I'm not too sure how Angus is taking it. He's a hard to to read. Its almost like he deliberately hides his emotions.
I can't even imagine how Mark is feeling. To find your best mate dead must be horrid.

All I can do is be there for each of them & for Marks twin, he knew Mick really well too. I'm okay for now. The grief rolls in like waves. You can be fine for hours & then something triggers you and it starts all over again. Its going to be tough for a while but I know it will improve. It always does eventually.

Regardless of how I feel though I need to be strong for everyone else. They depend on me so I can't let them down.

RIP Mick
You were well thought of, a good friend & you'll be missed a great deal.
Until we meet again!