Today ...

We all went to church this morning and after sacrament Mark lost his balance and fell on his back. His right leg just gave way and he dropped. I brought him home not long after this happened. It took us about 5 minutes to get him from the foyer and into the car. I even moved the car up really close to the doors too so you can just imagine how he bad was.

To be honest I really did not feel up to staying anyway. I felt downright horrible and blue. You see there were three people who were asked to talk about the Youth camp that was on this past week. The one the big fella was banned from going to. It hurt me so much to know that the youth went and he didn't. The kids that spoke, well I can't blame them for being excited about sharing their experiences. Then when the Young Men's leader spoke and said how ALL the youth had such wonderful spiritual moments and fun with the activities I just felt awful. Thinking that's what the big fella missed out on. How the kids also said that they were closer to each other for having shared all of this together. And there I was thinking how he didn't get that chance. I just wanted to cry, in fact I did have tears in my eyes.

I felt so spiteful and it was so wrong to feel that way. I just didn't want to stay. In a way I was relieved that Mark fell and I had a reason to go home. I know I shouldn't use him as an excuse to leave but I did feel so relieved.
I don't feel so bad now (well maybe not as bad) and I know I shouldn't have felt like that in the first place. Mark said that I shouldn't be upset about it, that it was the big fella's fault for not being able to go. All I could think of was how he worked just as hard as the other kids to help raise the money for the camp and he was NOT able to enjoy it. I know the Bishop said that there will be a Young Men's camp within the next month or two but what if they say he can't go to that one either?