Tuesday, August 02, 2011

What Would You Do?

What do you do when your 18yo Aspie kid decided he doesn't want to go to school? Do you tell them they have to go? Do you give in for the sake of keeping the peace? Do you remind them that it is their senior year? That completing Year 12 is important? That passing is the outcome they agreed to achieve? Do you also remind them that if Centrelink (Social Security for my overseas friends) contacts the school or vice-versa he may lose his Education Allowance due to not being at school often enough?

As you can probably guess Brodie didn't want to go to school today. I often think its so he can spend more time on Facebook talking to his friends but I would love to be wrong on that one. I have told him that if he is NOT sick and doesn't want to go to school I WILL NOT phone them and lie to them. If he wants to stay home he needs to phone them himself and explain why he isn't there.

Even though Brodie is 18 and officially an adult he still isn't mature enough to always be treated like one. He hates that but its true. His maturity is probably equivalent to a 15-16 year old and some kids that age are very immature. Having Aspergers is hard enough but to heap a lot of 'adult' responsibilities on to him as well. I don't think I can do that to him yet.

I often wonder if I do the right thing? There are times when I have to play peace-keeper. I just don't need the stress. Its the only way to remain sane (well, my happy pills help a little). There are enough arguments in this place without me creating another one. I jus thope that one day Brodie will realise that I am not always a mean person who makes him do things. I do it because it is in his best interest and I am just taking care of him & helping him to learn to be more independent.


Nelly said...

I can symathise with you as my 16yr old also is an Aspie.They can be so stubborn and hard to reason with.Last week my son was told he misses out on going to camp cos of not always doing what he is supposed to do.He was totally upset with it and said most of his teachers are happy with him.But we got over it by me saying that IF he gets a good report I will save the same amount it was going to cost fpr camp and he can have it to do as he wants.(paintballing has been chosen) So I hope this works for a bit.But their are some days he really doesnt want to go to school.Hubby has now set sons alarm to go of at 6am and he has to get up to turn it off.It seems to be working lately.
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you both and I hope he has understanding teachers.xxx
PS what does he want to do when he leaves school?Its my sons last year he is in yr 12 too.Hubby has him applied to the Green Army for reforesting etc.

Jo-anne *Blossy* said...

Hi Nelly, its good that you were able to make an arrangement like that with your son. I hope that he succeeds and gets a good report. I know how much teens love paintball.
I like the sound of the Green Army. I hope that your sons application is accepted.

Brodie is at TAFE tomorrow, he's studying hospitality there, so its highly likely he will go as its not at the high school. He wants to work in the food industry. I am trying to steer him towards being a baker. Where he doesn't have to worry about serving customers. It would be way too stressful for him. He had a job briefly working in a kitchen and he found that very tough to cope with. I'm not exactly sure what he has decided on.

PoetessWug said...

WOW! I wish I could help with this one, but I'm afraid it's completely out of my personal sphere of knowledge. I always have to do reading for things I don't know anything about!...It's too bad you have to be in the middle though. :-( I hope his staing home doesn't do any long term damage, and in retrospect it will have been just one day of his life that just wasn't a 'good decision' day.

Jo-anne *Blossy* said...

Poetess, thanks for your input :)
I too hope that this wont affect his long term goals. Sadly though this is not his first day of choosing not to go to school. He also had one last week which he called a "mental health day'

I'm concerned that today may also be one of those days. He's already snapped at his brother & is now behaving like he doesn't want to go. I'm crossing my fingers that he will & he will be okay whilst there. Wish us luck!

Beverly @ The Buzz said...

That is such a hard age--especially when they're physically bigger than you. Will keep all your family in my prayers.

Jo-anne *Blossy* said...

Thank you Beverly. I appreciate that. And yes it is hard because he is bigger than I am. He can be very intimidating when he wants to be.

lmoe said...

Standard education school isn't the right fit for everyone. It sounds like he is more of a physical learner, needs to have something in his hands that he can manipulate and see the results immediately.

My knowledge of Aspergers is very limited but I seem to recall a lack of a sense of consequences factors in. Heck, all teens have a distinct lack of a sense of consequences. Where I'm going here is that he may need to see immediate results in order to keep his attention. That's not a bad thing, it's just different from the norm.

The difficult part is for you to keep your patience with such a difficult situation. There are all these expectations on us as parents and any problems our children experience seem to us to be reflections on our parenting skills.

You are doing a great job under some very difficult circumstances and remember this, no matter what you do, it's the right the at the time because you are there at ground zero. It's all instincts and thankfully we were born with them.

Take each day as it comes, the world won't come to an end tomorrow. And if it does, well, that kinda, sorta solves a lot of problems...

Take a breath and give yourself a pat on the back.


Jo-anne *Blossy* said...

lol thanks Moe. You're absolutely right Aspie kids (and teens in general) don't always understand that there are consequences to their actions or inactions.
I did learn long ago that it is NOT my fault that things happen but that I am there to help smooth things over & possibly solve any problems. I also know that I will not always be successful.

Its also the start of a new school week today. I am crossing fingers that he still wants to go today :)