What's the point??

At Church this morning I was thinking how sad it is for my family not to be able to share in the joy that I share because of the knowledge I have gained by going to church. Then later during the morning when it was Relief Society we had a lesson on Nurturing your Marriage. Well the topic almost lost me there for a start. I'm NOT married. However I listened and thought that maybe there is a lesson to be learned in all of this.

Now I am not too sure if anything I have done is worth it!! What is the point of it all?? We were talking about marriage and temple marriages. With how they give you blessings for being able to have performed/participated in this ordinance. Well what's the point of even thinking about that. Mark isn't even divorced and he has yet to complete the paperwork required to get the ball rolling. Yes he started it once but since he was unable to save it he just didn't do any more and that was at least a month maybe 2 months ago. Ok I was willing to live with that but I don't know if I can anymore. Not only am I living in sin but to make things worse I cannot be sealed to my boys EVER!! Not unless I am dead! How good is that to be able to be sealed to someone forever to have an eternal family when you can't even be sealed to your children?!?!?! Together forever they say ... there is NO guarantee that this will ever happen because I can't have these special things done & there is no guarantee that my family will do them once I'm gone or if they will ever be done while I am alive.

Honestly what is the point of even going to church when the main aim is to get to temple to perform special ordinances like baptisms for the dead, to be sealed to parents/children. It's not like I am ever going to get there so there is no point in even trying anymore.
You know I should be happy that the big fella got a temple recommend today but I'm not. All I can think of it sheesh that would be right he can get there before I do. I will NEVER get there!! He gets to go on Wednesday with the other young men and I wont be able to do anything like that ever!

What's the point of trying to live the Gospel when you cannot even achieve what needs to be done or what we want to get done?