Knitting Funnies

I snagged these from an email sent through the Knit4Charities group quite some time ago.

How do you know if an elephant has been in your knitting bag?

Look for the footprints in the merino.

Why do elephants have wrinkled knees?

Improper blocking.

I have keys but no locks. I have space but no room. You can enter but can’t go outside. What am I?

Not sure, but you sound like my stash cupboard.

What has a neck, but no head or body?

This sweater, which is due in a week.

What is full of holes but can still hold water?

This wet-blocked shawl, which needed to be in the mail to my editor about an hour ago.

What’s black and white and red all over?

A traditional Norwegian lusekofte. Duh.

What has two hands, a round face, runs and runs, but stays in place?

Me, knitting garter stitch.

What has eyes but cannot see?

Me, reading a lace chart.

What’s black and white and red all over?

This bloody lace chart.

Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?

He was reading a lace chart.

What belongs to you, but is used more by others?

My tape measure.

What do you get when you cross a sheep and a wolf?

A wool shortage.

The more you have of me, the less you see. What am I?

Stitch markers! Where are my stitch markers?

If you cast a white stone into the Red Sea, what would it become?

A very pretentious colorway.

Why does a flamingo stand on one leg?

Second-sock syndrome.

Knock, knock!

Go away, I’m counting!