flat as a pancake

The day started out just like any other day. You know the usual routine. Get up, get the kids ready for school. Take them to the bus-stop & school and come home. There were no major dramas (a surprise in itself) but as the day wore on I began to feel flat. No energy, no emotion, just flat. I don't know if that's the best way to describe it though. More like apathetic, disinterested and tired. Hmm.. perhaps that's wrong too. I don't know.

I've had a disagreement with the big fella since he got home from school. I was trying to fill out some forms but he kept interrupting asking to play the Play Station. I asked him to wait. To be honest it felt like he only waited 30 seconds when he asked again. These forms are really important and need to be completed. Yes I know that I could've done them earlier when neither of the boys were at home but I didn't feel up to doing them.

Most of this evening I felt like crying for no reason at all. It seems silly and I have no clue as to why. I would hate to even try to guess. My poor car, Tess, has been really sick. She's at that point where she needs to be replaced rather than fixed up. It would be cheaper to get a new used car. Luckily I came into some money that was owed me for rent assistance. I didn't even realise that I hadn't been paid rent assistance for the last 12 months. It was no wonder we struggled over the last year to make ends meet! To be honest I can't believe that I didn't click that I wasn't being paid. Not that it matters now because it has all been sorted out. Anyway to cut to the chase this money that I have now received can be used to get another car. We've been babying Tess for a while now to see if we can make her last as long as we can. So earlier this evening Mark & I were checking out some online places for a car. You would think I would be happy at the thought of getting something new (even if it is second hand) but to be honest I'm not happy at all. I could care less. Normally I would be getting excited about the thought of a new car (or anything new for that matter). I just wish I knew what was up with me!

Now don't get the wrong idea. I knew I would have to replace Tess eventually so that's not the reason why I am like I am. In fact I've been like this for a few days. Maybe I should just put it down to hormones! It's as good an excuse as any!! I just hope that I can snap out of it.
Mark said that there is a lot to be grateful for and that is so true. He also said that perhaps my not realising that I wasn't being paid rent assistance was Heavenly Fathers way of helping me get the money I need to replace Tess. I think he was right. After all we never know what the plan is for us do we. We can only do as best as we can in our current circumstances.

For now though I just want to feel better than I have been these past few days.